7 Steps To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone (2022)

Others don't have a permanent home in your head; you do. So, forgiving yourself, and letting go of the past, is so hard. Click To Tweet

You hurt someone in some half-forgotten past, without actually meaning to. Years later, the regret and the sorriness are still fresh. You would feel freer and lighter by forgiving yourself, but it doesn’t seem to come by. Why?

The constant pain of your past faults is crippling. You could make it go with a self-pardon. Then why is self-forgiveness so hard when it’s easier to forgive others?

The reason is this: Others don’t have a home in your head; you do. So you keep re-reading the bleak self-judgments each time the memories of your old sins resurface.

When it comes to you, instead of acquitting, you always hold yourself hostage. But you can learn how to forgive yourself, since your sin was purely unintentional.

7 Steps To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone (1)

7 Steps To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone

Even if others have forgiven you for the hurt you caused them, you can’t seem to forgive yourself. Even when you’ve forgiven them for the many griefs they caused you, you can’t grant yourself a pardon.

The coaches and counselors have found a set of steps to help us forgive ourselves. From their collective experience, we bring these seven steps to your benefit.

Here are 7 steps to forgive yourself for hurting someone unintended:

  1. Accept your emotions: Once you accept the feelings, forgiving gets easy.
  2. Analyze the mistake: Analyze the mistake in terms of what you learned.
  3. Choose a good day: A day free of distractions will keep your energies up.
  4. Have a deep talk with yourself: Listen to your neglected self with patience.
  5. Validate your inner critic: Give a great name to the voice in your head.
  6. Forgive as you would a friend: Treat yourself as your best-loved friend.
  7. Celebrate the newfound freedom: Let go. A mistake doesn’t define you.

Step #1. Accept Your Emotions

If you feel guilty, accept it. If you feel ashamed, admit it. If you feel angry, acknowledge it. Once you accept the guilt, the journey of self-forgiveness gets easier.

Humans make mistakes, and many of those are egregiously stupid, but that’s also one of the ways to learn. Okay, it may not be the best way to learn (by the way, the best way is to learn from other’s mistakes), but it is how you navigate around life.

So, be frank to yourself that you blew it. Once you accept and acknowledge it, the process of forgiving gets easier.

You often wonder, only if you could have forgiven yourself for the hurt you gave others, you could have made a fresh start. Then you realize no one ever showed you how to do it.

So, there you stand, guilty as hell. As the resulting stream of self-hate sends you tail-spinning into an abyss of depression. Each emotion we experience has a purpose. Happiness indicates that something is going well and drives us to socialize with others. Sadness reminds us that we have suffered a loss. The same is true of guilt.

And don’t silence your inner critic. Instead, listen patiently to what it says about you. Let it make you feel whatever it wants to. Then note down the emotions your inner critic gave you.

Step #2. Analyze The Mistake

Remember your mistake, and then write down all the positive learning experiences you gained from it.

When begin analyzing the mistake, focus on finding out how much of it was under your control. You may realize you did not have complete control over it at that time. And now that you see it in your hindsight, you know how you would prevent it from happening in the future with that learning.

Once you have analyzed your mistake, let it brew over in your mind for a few days. Every time it comes to your mind, make yourself remember the learning you received from it.

Understand the difference between guilt and shame. One vital thing is to pinpoint the emotion causing you pain: is it guilt or shame?

Both shame and guilt are “self-critical” emotions. However, shame suggests a lack of power to meet the standards of your ideal self (an act of omission), whereas guilt involves power and intent to transgress your moral standards (an act of commission).

If you cannot understand why the whole thing went wrong, then ask a person for their opinion. If you don’t find such a person to disclose your predicament, then approach a mental health counselor.

Step #3. Choose A Good Day

Make an appointment with yourself for a day when you’ll be free of any heavy responsibilities. Assign at least an hour to it.

Find a place where you could sit with yourself without getting interrupted. Get something to eat or drink. Carry your diary or journal.

And begin by checking out of your daily worries and calming your mind. You could spend a few minutes deep breathing, and thereby activating your relaxation phase via the vagus nerve.

Step #4. Have A Deep Talk With Yourself

Start a conversation with yourself. Go over in detail why you need to forgive yourself. Remember, it’s easier to forgive a person when you love and care about them.

So, start with self-love. And you know what, love heals.

(Video) How To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone

So, be that person to yourself that you love. Here’s how to love yourself without guilt.

Make it a point to carry over your journal. Write down the benefits of freedom from negative emotions you will have after you have forgiven yourself.

You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, “I forgive. I’m finished with it.”

— Maya Angelou

One crucial part of any conversation is listening. So, listen to your neglected self with patience and without interruptions. This helps to own your mistake.

Ignoring a problem does not make it go away, but often makes it grow bigger while you are not consciously noticing. So, listen to what your inner voices are trying to tell you. Talk to them. If you can’t do it all in your head, as most of us can’t, create and write a dialogue between your inner voice and your conscious voice.

Step #5. Validate Your Inner Critic

You already have a fair idea of what your inner critic thinks about it, as you noted them down in the first step.

Give your inner critic a respectful name to call. Now call it by their name, assure it you have listened to them carefully, and take their criticism into account.

And tell them now is the time to go together ahead on this. Be patient. It takes time to understand your inner critic is not against you, but your ally to make you into a better person.

You validated them, and now you need their help in validating your process of forgiving yourself. Find a confederate in your inner critic by talking to them with compassion and kindness.

And don’t try to change the voice. It’s you who must change guided by that voice. By the way, we should also not try to change others.

Step #6. Forgive As You Would A Friend

Treat yourself as your best-loved friend, and forgive yourself without judgment.

Forgive yourself bywriting it down. Release yourself by writing it down. Put it down in ink that you have forgiven yourself for that past mistake, once and for all.

Writing it down doesn’t mean you are condoning the act. When you forgive yourself, it means you are releasing yourself. Then on, you’re no more in the clutch of the dark feelings associated with the act.

While writing, accept you have disappointed yourself by not meeting your moral standards. But also take solace in the fact that this one mistake does not define you. Write what you would do differently the next time.

Remember to be self-compassionate, which means treating yourself like you would a good friend. You might read aloud what you’ve written, and make changes if you like.

Step #7. Celebrate The Newfound Freedom

When you forgive yourself and release yourself from the burden of all those negative emotions, especially anger and resentment, you might feel you have lost a part of yourself.

Positive Mindset

Video by HIP.

But what’s the point of being regretful about a mistake you made all those years back? Why feel sad at letting that part of you go?

You no more need that part of you, so let it go. Especially now, when you put sincere efforts to make sure the same thing doesn’t happen again. You have retained all the learning from it, and so you could release the rest of it.

(Video) How To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone You Love

You could even write in your journal about the specific things the failed relationship taught you. It would show the way forward about how you could better engage with people in your future life.

So spend a while taking stock of who you have become now, and how you have grown from that particular experience.

And now, go out and celebrate your newfound freedom. Bask in the tranquility of self-forgiveness. Talk yourself into the positive side of it all.

7 Steps To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone (2)

3 Tips To Self-Forgiveness

If we only knew to forgive ourselves and wipe the slate clean, we could have a shot at a new life of possibilities. The trouble is, we don’t know how to release ourselves from our mental prisons.

Take a look at these three quick and easy ways to forgive yourself and let go of regrets:

1. Re-imagine

The first trick is to re-imagine the whole situation.

Now, you might know that your brain thinks it is the same as you are doing it in the real world when you visualize yourself doing something. It doesn’t understand the difference.

So we will use this scientifically proven information to our advantage when it comes to forgiving ourselves and letting go of past faults.

So, do this: Imagine how you’d re-do the entire experience.

Once you’ve re-imagined it, believe in it. And then journal about what you learned from that disturbing or embarrassing experience. Doing this not only shows us you’ve learned from it and moved on, but also that you’ll do better the next time.

Since the brain can’t tell the difference, when you imagine a new outcome, your brain lets it go as any other random memory.

So next time the memories of mistakes you’ve done in the past crop up out of nowhere, ready to ruin your day, try to re-imagine not saying those hurtful words, or not doing that upsetting thing.

2. Apologize

The second tip is to say Sorry and repair the connection.

Often, once you have at least tried to make some amends, you can stop the struggle to forgive yourself and move ahead.

Otherwise, you keep replaying the last fight you had with someone and injuring yourself every time with its retelling.

So if it’s safe to re-engage with someone you have wronged, and consider trying to apologize for the hurt you caused them.

And as always, it’s best to take ample time to organize what words to use and how to say those precisely. You might even practice saying them aloud before you meet them.

That way, you could imagine what they might say in response and rework your answers. So that when you go to repair the connection, you don’t find yourself making it even worse.

3. “Stop!”

The third tip is to stop your train of thought.

If you find yourself going back to that one occasion when you did a terrible thing, and wince in pain again and again for the hurt you caused, here’s the solution. Just pack up and toss off that annoying thought right at the inception. This way, you stop the negative train of thoughts from running all over your mind.

It is easy. Just say to yourself, loudly, or even silently, “Stop!”

When your mind wanders back to that negative situation or hurtful time, don’t let it linger. Just say “Stop” and shut it down.

There are some other ways to stop our thoughts from getting us into troubling feelings. One of them is to force your mind into thinking of a pleasant or funny memory.

Whatever the happy memory is, try to use all your five senses to re-tell yourself the entire story. Most often, by the time we process that memory through our five senses, we have already ourselves pushed away from the negative memory.

Another way is to notice your thoughts. That is, you note how your mind is wandering into that hurtful space again, and tell yourself, “Now my mind is trying to pull me back in there and make me feel bad, but I do not want to go there.”

(Video) How to Forgive Ourselves for Serious Wrongs - 7 Powerful Bible Teachings

Often, just knowing what is happening, and recognizing the pattern, can stop it from taking wings.

Why Must You Forgive Yourself

Self-forgiveness is important because it releases us from the stress of harboring self-destructive negative emotions. It is a healing process that restores our emotional balance. Forgiveness buffers the damaging effects of lifetime stress severity on mental health.

Greater lifetime stress severity and lower levels of forgiveness each uniquely predicted worse mental and physical health. Analyses also revealed a graded Stress × Forgiveness interaction effect, wherein associations between stress and mental health were weaker for persons exhibiting more forgiveness.

— Toussaint, Shields, et al., How stress degrades and forgiveness protects health, 2016

A study found people who scored high on the Heartland Forgiveness Scale (HFS) had better mental health. Research using fMRI brain scans showed forgiveness can even change the way our brain functions.

The benefits of forgiveness are ours when we learn the art of self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness in true essence means saying:

  • I admit I did a wrong thing to someone.
  • I will remember not to repeat the act.
  • I forgive myself and let go of my guilt.

In the video below, author and depression counselor Douglas Bloch talks of the three reasons why those who suffer from depression need to forgive themselves for their mistakes:

Forgive Yourself for Your Mistakes

Final Words

Afraid to love yourself? Find out how to love yourself without feeling guilty!

We spend hours rehashing the hurtful things we did to someone, from when we were a toddler until last year. We know forgiving ourselves could lift us out of that emotional dark pit and start us out on a new journey.

We know forgiving ourselves can sometimes be so much harder than forgiving somebody else. But it’s not impossible.

  • You accepted you made mistakes just like any human could have in your situation. But this doesn’t mean you’re rationalizing your mistake.
  • You have forgiven yourself. But this doesn’t mean you have let yourself off the hook for similar acts in the future.
  • You have forgiven yourself to free yourself of the negative burden. And this means you’re ready to embark on a new journey of life.

One fast-and-simple advice: Re-brand your mistake as a Learning Experience.

And grab these 10 science-backed happiness tips!

• • •

Author Bio: Written and reviewed by Sandip Roy—a medical doctor, psychology writer, and happiness researcher. Founder and Chief Editor of The Happiness Blog. Writes on mental health, happiness, positive psychology, and philosophy (especially Stoicism).

Our Happiness Story!

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Revisit A Section:

7 Steps To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone

Step #1. Accept Your Emotions

Step #2. Analyze The Mistake

Step #3. Choose A Good Day

Step #4. Have A Deep Talk With Yourself

Step #5. Validate Your Inner Critic

Step #6. Forgive As You Would A Friend

Step #7. Celebrate The Newfound Freedom

(Video) You Have To FORGIVE YOURSELF For Hurting Her

3 Tips To Self-Forgiveness

1. Re-imagine

2. Apologize

3. “Stop!”

Why Must You Forgive Yourself

(Video) Learning to Forgive Ourselves

FAQs

What is the process of self-forgiveness? ›

Several things happen when you take steps to forgive yourself. You accept responsibility for what happened. You express remorse, guilt, or other similar emotions that point out that what you did was wrong or unacceptable. You make amends with yourself while restoring self-trust.

How do you allow yourself to forgive someone? ›

If you're truly sorry for something you've said or done, consider admitting it to those you've harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and ask for forgiveness — without making excuses. Remember, however, you can't force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time.

How do I get over the guilt of hurting someone? ›

By apologizing, you convey remorse and regret to the person who was hurt, and let them know how you plan to avoid making the same mistake in the future.
...
Apologize and make amends
  1. acknowledge your role.
  2. show remorse.
  3. avoid making excuses.
  4. ask for forgiveness.

How do you let go of guilt and forgive myself? ›

How to Forgive Yourself and Let go of Regrets
  1. Acceptance. Acknowledge that you are a human, and know that every human makes mistakes. ...
  2. Learn from mistakes. Try to learn from your mistakes. ...
  3. Take risks. Be willing to take risks. ...
  4. Visualize the future. Picture yourself free from guilt, regret, and self-condemnation.

Why can't I forgive myself for hurting someone? ›

One reason why it's not easy to forgive ourselves is that our minds keep telling us what we could have or should have done instead. Our minds fill us up with regret and tell us what could have been if we didn't hurt another.

What are the 4 R's of self-forgiveness? ›

Responsibility: Accept what has happened and show yourself compassion. Remorse: Use guilt and remorse as a gateway to positive behaviour change. Restoration: Make amends with whomever you're forgiving, even if it's yourself. Renewal: Learn from the experience and grow as a person.

What the Bible says about self-forgiveness? ›

The basis for forgiving ourselves is the kindness and compassion of God for us in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 4:32)! All who are in Jesus are freed from condemnation (Romans 8:1) and freed to love (Galatians 5:13). We are meant to display the mercies of God as sinners forgiven of their sins (1 Timothy 1:15-16)!

Why is self-forgiveness so hard? ›

Some people find self-forgiveness hard because they do not permit it and continue wanting to suffer in remorse. They may interpret it as condoning themselves and allowing future hurtful acts. Self-forgiveness is also not the nature of narcissists and idealists, as they refuse to admit they have made mistakes.

What are the 5 stages of forgiveness? ›

5 Steps to Forgiveness
  • 1) Reflect on the situation. ...
  • 2) Put yourself in the other person's shoes. ...
  • 3) Choose to learn from the experience. ...
  • 4) Let it go. ...
  • 5) Decide where you want to go from here.
20 Aug 2017

What are the 3 types of forgiveness? ›

The three types of forgiveness are: exoneration, forbearance and release.

How do I let go of hurt and anger? ›

Tips for letting go
  1. Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts. ...
  2. Create physical distance. ...
  3. Do your own work. ...
  4. Practice mindfulness. ...
  5. Be gentle with yourself. ...
  6. Allow the negative emotions to flow. ...
  7. Accept that the other person may not apologize. ...
  8. Engage in self-care.

How do you accept a mistake and move on? ›

Here are five ways to learn from your mistakes:
  1. Acknowledge Your Errors. ...
  2. Ask Yourself Tough Questions. ...
  3. Make A Plan. ...
  4. Make It Harder To Mess Up. ...
  5. Create A List Of Reasons Why You Don't Want To Make The Mistake Again. ...
  6. Move Forward With Your New-Found Wisdom.
17 Jul 2017

Where is guilt stored in the body? ›

Body and Mind

The positive emotions of gratefulness and togetherness and the negative emotions of guilt and despair all looked remarkably similar, with feelings mapped primarily in the heart, followed by the head and stomach.

What do you do when you hurt someone emotionally? ›

How To Cope With Guilt When You Hurt Someone In A Relationship
  • Sincerely Apologize.
  • Recognize That You Can't Change What Has Already Happened.
  • Remember That Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
  • Work on Improving Yourself.
  • Don't Focus Entirely on the Negative.
  • Consider Couples Therapy.
  • Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
25 Jul 2022

Why do I hurt the person I love? ›

When we hurt someone for no reason, it's because we fear rejection or disconnection from that person. We hope that, by lashing out, they'll show us more love, attention or understanding. As a result, we'll feel 'safer' in the relationship. So, we behave badly because we want to feel 'safe'.

What mental illness causes guilt? ›

Excessive irrational guilt has been linked to mental illnesses, such as anxiety, depression, dysphoria (feelings of constant dissatisfaction) and obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD)2. It can cause sufferers to believe they're a burden to their loved ones and those around them.

How do you forgive and move on? ›

Once you feel ready to forgive, you can take a few additional steps to make sure you're really ready.
  1. Talk through your feelings. Before you can forgive someone, you'll want to make sure you can put your feelings about what happened into words. ...
  2. Find the bright side. ...
  3. Forgive smaller things first. ...
  4. Forgive yourself.
27 Apr 2020

What are the signs of guilt? ›

Signs of Guilt
  • Being sensitive to the effects of every action.
  • Overwhelmed by possibly making the “wrong” decision.
  • Low self-esteem.
  • Putting others before yourself until it's detrimental.
  • Avoiding your full range of emotions.
23 Nov 2020

How do you apologize to someone you hurt unintentionally? ›

Saying, "When I said [the hurtful thing], I wasn't thinking. I realize I hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry," acknowledges that you know what it was you said that hurt the other person, and you take responsibility for it. Don't make assumptions and don't try to shift the blame.

How do you forgive yourself for staying in a toxic relationship? ›

  1. Take your time with emotions. Your emotions have been through hell. ...
  2. Don't pick up unhealthy behavior. ...
  3. Do all the things you loved. ...
  4. Forgive yourself. ...
  5. Give up hate and anger. ...
  6. Stay close to your friends. ...
  7. Work on your self-relationship. ...
  8. Self-reflect.

How do you know if you need to forgive yourself? ›

11 Signs You're Withholding Self-Forgiveness and Being Super Hard on Yourself
  1. Being self-critical in general. ...
  2. Distrusting someone even when they've proved themselves trustworthy. ...
  3. Reminding yourself of past mistakes. ...
  4. Being afraid to make the same mistake again and then being in limbo.
11 Apr 2022

What does forgiveness look like? ›

Forgiveness occurs when you choose to let go of resentment or revenge even though the wrongdoer's actions don't deserve it. You choose to give him or her gifts of mercy, generosity, and love. He doesn't deserve it. But you deserve the freedom of letting go.

Why is forgiving yourself important? ›

Self-forgiveness improves our well-being and productivity.

Research has shown that those who practice self-forgiveness have better mental and emotional well-being, more positive attitudes and healthier relationships.

What does the Bible say about forgiving but not forgetting? ›

In Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

What does Paul say about forgiveness? ›

Later Paul wrote, "I ... do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God" (1 Corinthians 15:9). If God could forgive Paul, He can certainly forgive you. And He will, as you turn in faith to Him, confessing your sins and opening your heart and life to Jesus Christ.

What does the Bible say about forgiveness and healing? ›

“For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more—Hebrews 8:12. True healing starts when you forgive whoever hurt you, as you forgive, God steps in and expedites the healing process as you obey him.

Is it a sin to not forgive? ›

According to Matthew 6:14-15, a person who doesn't forgive others will not be forgiven by God. In the verses, Jesus states: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

How long does it take the brain to process forgiveness? ›

Subconsciously, it takes at least 6-8 months for the brain to process complete forgiveness for someone who hurt you emotionally. Subconsciously, it takes at least 6-8 months for the brain to process complete forgiveness for someone who hurt you emotionally.

Why does it take so long to forgive? ›

One reason people have a hard time forgiving others is because they are unable to forgive themselves. Forgiveness means choosing to open up to all that is in our lives, including the painful things. Like healing any other wound, forgiving someone usually takes time.

How can I forgive like Jesus? ›

Forgive Like Jesus - Inspirational & Motivational Video - YouTube

What's the toughest type of forgiving? ›

Below are what I have labeled the four types of forgiveness, along with some advice on when and how to use each one. Unconditional forgiveness. The highest type of forgiveness we can offer someone who has hurt us is unconditional forgiveness.

What forgiveness is not? ›

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn't obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.

What does unforgiveness do to a person? ›

Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.

How do you heal emotionally? ›

Tips for healing from emotional wounds
  1. Take baby steps. ...
  2. Remember that you dont have to heal 100% to improve the quality of your life. ...
  3. Be patient and persistent. ...
  4. Set realistic expectations. ...
  5. View setbacks as part of the process and learning opportunities. ...
  6. Prioritize self-care and self-compassion.
5 days ago

How do you let go of things you can't control? ›

A few ideas:
  1. Practice mindfulness meditation to stay in the present moment.
  2. Use a positive affirmation as a source of inspiration and to control negative thoughts.
  3. Do what brings you joy, where you lose track of time.
  4. Spend some time outside in nature.
  5. Do some physical exercise that you enjoy.
  6. Practice mindful breathing.
8 Jul 2021

How do you fully get over someone? ›

Read on for the seven key ways to get over someone you love.
  1. Accept the Reality of the Situation. ...
  2. Rely on Your Support System. ...
  3. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. ...
  4. Don't Be Your Own Worst Enemy. ...
  5. Look Toward the Future. ...
  6. Take a Break From Social Media. ...
  7. Clear Out the Physical Reminders.
26 Aug 2022

What are some big mistakes in life? ›

And these life mistakes may turn into your regrets if you go on and live with the same attitude.
  • Caring too much about what other people think.
  • Not accomplishing enough.
  • Not telling someone how you truly felt.
  • Not standing up for yourself more.
  • Not following your passion in life.
  • Arguing with your loved ones all the time.

How do you move on after a huge mistake? ›

6 ways to move past your mistakes
  1. Accept your mistakes. Sometimes just owning your mistake is really hard. ...
  2. Find the lesson in it. ...
  3. Be kind to yourself. ...
  4. Remember that you're thinking about it more than anyone else. ...
  5. Figure out what's next. ...
  6. Let it go.
9 Apr 2021

What do you do when you need to admit your mistakes? ›

6 actionable ways to admit you're wrong at work
  1. Apologize.
  2. Take accountability.
  3. Act fast.
  4. Offer a solution.
  5. Understand why you made the mistake and learn from it.
  6. Don't be too hard on yourself — mistakes happen!
8 Apr 2022

How do you know you are traumatized? ›

Intrusive memories

Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event. Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks) Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event. Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event.

What trauma is stored in hips? ›

The hips are an important storage vessel of emotional stress because of the psoas' link to the adrenal glands and the location of the sacral chakra.

What emotions are stored in the eyes? ›

The eye-narrowing cluster was associated with mental states related to social discrimination, including hate, suspicion, aggressiveness, and contempt. The eye-widening cluster was associated with mental states related to information sensitivity, including awe, anticipation, cowardice, and interest.

What kind of person enjoys hurting others? ›

Sadists and psychopaths. Someone who gets pleasure from hurting or humiliating others is a sadist. Sadists feel other people's pain more than is normal. And they enjoy it.

How do you reconnect with someone you hurt? ›

Photos courtesy of the individual members.
  1. Go At It With An Open Heart And Mind. ...
  2. Don't Find Excuses, Just Reach Out. ...
  3. Set A Daily Goal. ...
  4. Practice Asking Better Questions. ...
  5. Reconnect For The Right Reasons. ...
  6. Take Ownership And Be Curious. ...
  7. Be Generous And Forgiving. ...
  8. Don't Make It About You.
26 May 2020

Can someone hurt you and still love you? ›

Yes. It's possible someone can hurt you and still love you. If someone you love hurts you deeply, then there are many possible intentions behind their words, actions, and behaviors that caused you to feel hurt. People who hurt us are not always bad people.

How do you fix a relationship after saying hurtful things? ›

To help, experts offer nine tips for how to regain their trust.
  1. Own Up To Your Mistake — & Mistakes. ...
  2. Give Them As Much Time As They Need. ...
  3. Take Things Slowly. ...
  4. Be Gentle With Your Partner. ...
  5. Accept That Your Relationship May Have Permanently Changed. ...
  6. Be Fully Present. ...
  7. Listen To Your Partner. ...
  8. Try To Work Out Why You Hurt Them.
25 Apr 2018

How do you apologize to someone you hurt deeply? ›

Tips to give a genuine apology:
  1. Directly express your apology.
  2. Be mindful of your tone.
  3. Be genuine.
  4. Explain why you are apologizing, but don't justify your mistake.
  5. Focus on the impact on the person affected.
  6. Take responsibility.
  7. Use "I" statements.
  8. Learn and use this person's apology language.
29 Jul 2022

Why is it hard to forgive yourself? ›

Some people find self-forgiveness hard because they do not permit it and continue wanting to suffer in remorse. They may interpret it as condoning themselves and allowing future hurtful acts. Self-forgiveness is also not the nature of narcissists and idealists, as they refuse to admit they have made mistakes.

How do you forgive and move on? ›

Once you feel ready to forgive, you can take a few additional steps to make sure you're really ready.
  1. Talk through your feelings. Before you can forgive someone, you'll want to make sure you can put your feelings about what happened into words. ...
  2. Find the bright side. ...
  3. Forgive smaller things first. ...
  4. Forgive yourself.
27 Apr 2020

When should you forgive yourself? ›

Just as you might not forgive someone else until they've made it up to you in some way, forgiving yourself is more likely to stick when you feel like you've earned it. One way to move past your guilt is to take action to rectify your mistakes.

What does God say about self forgiveness? ›

The basis for forgiving ourselves is the kindness and compassion of God for us in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 4:32)! All who are in Jesus are freed from condemnation (Romans 8:1) and freed to love (Galatians 5:13). We are meant to display the mercies of God as sinners forgiven of their sins (1 Timothy 1:15-16)!

How do you forgive yourself that won't forgive you? ›

  1. Fully forgive yourself and you won't need their forgiveness.
  2. Think about how you might have apologized.
  3. Forgive yourself first.
  4. Allow them the time to process.
  5. Make a plan to come back to them at some time but keep moving on and keep healing.
  6. Respect yourself and the other person even if forgiveness is not forthcoming.
23 Mar 2021

Why forgiving yourself is important? ›

Self-forgiveness improves our well-being and productivity.

Research has shown that those who practice self-forgiveness have better mental and emotional well-being, more positive attitudes and healthier relationships.

What are the 5 stages of forgiveness? ›

5 Steps to Forgiveness
  • 1) Reflect on the situation. ...
  • 2) Put yourself in the other person's shoes. ...
  • 3) Choose to learn from the experience. ...
  • 4) Let it go. ...
  • 5) Decide where you want to go from here.
20 Aug 2017

What are the 3 types of forgiveness? ›

The three types of forgiveness are: exoneration, forbearance and release.

What are the 4 stages of forgiveness? ›

4 Steps to Forgiveness
  • "To understand forgiveness, you must first understand what forgiveness is not," psychiatrist Dr. Ned Hallowell says in his book Dare to Forgive. ...
  • Pain and Hurt. Dr. ...
  • Reliving and Reflecting. ...
  • Working It Out. ...
  • Renounce Your Anger and Resentment.
9 Sept 2009

How do you forgive yourself for staying in a toxic relationship? ›

  1. Take your time with emotions. Your emotions have been through hell. ...
  2. Don't pick up unhealthy behavior. ...
  3. Do all the things you loved. ...
  4. Forgive yourself. ...
  5. Give up hate and anger. ...
  6. Stay close to your friends. ...
  7. Work on your self-relationship. ...
  8. Self-reflect.

Videos

1. 7 Steps for Self Forgiveness - How You Can Forgive Yourself For Past Mistakes
(Your Personal Oracle LLC.)
2. You Have To Heal | Why Forgiving Yourself Is Neccesary!
(Stephan Speaks)
3. 7 Steps for Forgiveness
(Theo Living)
4. How To Forgive Yourself For Hurting Someone Unintentionally - Steps To Emotional Healing
(Natural Healing Guides Healthy Living & Detox Tips)
5. How To Forgive Yourself After An Affair
(Stacey Chenevert)
6. Mistakes we Make and the Practice of Self-forgiveness | Sonda Frudden | TEDxMountainViewHighSchool
(TEDx Talks)

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