Coping Skills for Stress and Uncomfortable Emotions (2023)

Whether you’ve been dumped by your date or you’ve had a rough day at the office, having healthy coping skills can be key to getting through tough times. Coping skills help you tolerate, minimize, and deal with stressful situations in life.

Coping Skills

Coping skills are the tactics that people use to deal with stressful situations. Managing your stress well can help you feel better physically and psychologically and impact your ability to perform your best.

But not all coping skills are created equal. Sometimes, it’s tempting to engage in strategies that will give quick relief but might create bigger problems for you down the road. It’s important to establish healthy coping skills that will help you reduce your emotional distress or rid yourself of the stressful situations you face. Examples of healthy coping skills include:

  • Establishing and maintaining boundaries
  • Practicing relaxation strategies such as deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness
  • Getting regular physical activity
  • Making to-do lists and setting goals

This article explores coping skills that can help you manage stress and challenges. Learn more about how different strategies, including problem-focused and emotion-focused skills, can be most helpful.

Coping Skills for Stress and Uncomfortable Emotions (1)

How to Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Problem-Based vs. Emotion-Based

The five main types of coping skills are: problem-focused coping, emotion-focused coping, religious coping, meaning-making, and social support.

Two of the main types of coping skills are problem-based coping and emotion-based coping. Understanding how they differ can help you determine the best coping strategy for you.

  • Problem-based coping is helpful when you need to change your situation, perhaps by removing a stressful thing from your life. For example, if you’re in an unhealthy relationship, your anxiety and sadness might be best resolved by ending the relationship (as opposed to soothing your emotions).
  • Emotion-based coping is helpful when you need to take care of your feelings when you either don’t want to change your situation or when circumstances are out of your control. For example, if you are grieving the loss of a loved one, it’d be important to take care of your feelings in a healthy way (since you can’t change the circumstance).

There isn’t always one best way to proceed. Instead, it’s up to you to decide which type of coping skill is likely to work best for you in your particular circumstance. The following are examples of stressful situations and how each approach could be used.

Reading Your Performance Review

You open your email to find your annual performance review. The review states that you are below average in several areas and you’re surprised by this because you thought you were performing well. You feel anxious and frustrated.

  • Problem-focused coping: You go to the boss and talk about what you can do to improve your performance. You develop a clear plan that will help you do better and you start to feel more confident about your ability to succeed.
  • Emotion-focused coping: You spend your lunch break reading a book to distract yourself from catastrophic predictions that you’re going to be fired. After work, you exercise and clean the house as a way to help you feel better so you can think about the situation more clearly.

Getting a Teenager to Clean

You have told your teenager he needs to clean his bedroom. But it’s been a week and clothes and trash seem to be piling up. Before heading out the door in the morning, you told him he has to clean his room after school "or else." You arrive home from work to find him playing videos in his messy room.

  • Problem-focused coping: You sit your teenager down and tell him that he’s going to be grounded until his room is clean. You take away his electronics and put him on restriction. In the meantime, you shut the door to his room so you don’t have to look at the mess.
  • Emotion-focused coping: You decide to run some bathwater because a hot bath always helps you feel better. You know a bath will help you calm down so you don’t yell at him or overreact.

Giving a Presentation

You’ve been invited to give a presentation in front of a large group. You were so flattered and surprised by the invitation that you agreed to do it. But as the event approaches, your anxiety skyrockets because you hate public speaking.

  • Problem-focused coping: You decide to hire a public speaking coach to help you learn how to write a good speech and how to deliver it confidently. You practice giving your speech in front of a few friends and family members so you will feel better prepared to step on stage.
  • Emotion-focused coping: You tell yourself that you can do this. You practice relaxation exercises whenever you start to panic. And you remind yourself that even if you’re nervous, no one else is even likely to notice.

Recap

Problem-based coping skills focus on changing the situation, while emotional-based coping skills are centered on changing how you feel. Knowing which approach is right for a specific situation can help you deal with stress more effectively.

(Video) Feelings: Handle them before they handle you | Mandy Saligari | TEDxGuildford

Healthy Emotion-Focused Coping Skills

Whether you’re feeling lonely, nervous, sad, or angry, emotion-focused coping skills can help you deal with your feelings in a healthy way. Healthy coping strategies may soothe you, temporarily distract you, or help you tolerate your distress.

Sometimes it’s helpful to face your emotions head-on. For example, feeling sad after the death of a loved one can help you honor your loss.

Other times, coping skills may help you change your mood. If you’ve had a bad day at work, playing with your kids or watching a funny movie might cheer you up. Or, if you’re angry about something someone said, a healthy coping strategy might help you calm down before you say something you might regret.

Other examples of healthy ways to cope with emotions include:

  • Care for yourself: Put on lotion that smells good, spend time in nature, take a bath, drink tea, or take care of your body in a way that makes you feel good such as painting your nails, doing your hair, putting on a face mask.
  • Engage in a hobby: Do something you enjoy such as coloring, drawing, or listening to music.
  • Exercise: Do yoga, go for a walk, take a hike, or engage in a recreational sport.p
  • Focus on a task: Clean the house (or a closet, drawer, or area), cook a meal, garden, or read a book.
  • Practice mindfulness: List the things you feel grateful for, meditate, picture your "happy place," or look at pictures to remind you of the people, places, and things that bring joy.
  • Use relaxation strategies: Play with a pet, practice breathing exercises, squeeze a stress ball, use a relaxation app, enjoy some aromatherapy, try progressive muscle relaxation, or write in a journal.

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how to face uncomfortable emotions, featuring comedian Paul Gilmartin.

Coping Skills for Stress and Uncomfortable Emotions (2)

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Healthy Problem-Focused Coping Skills

There are many ways you might decide to tackle a problem head-on and eliminate the source of your stress. In some cases, that may mean changing your behavior or creating a plan that helps you know what action you’re going to take.

In other situations, problem-focused coping may involve more drastic measures, like changing jobs or ending a relationship. Here are some examples of positive problem-focused coping skills:

  • Ask for support from a friend or a professional.
  • Create a to-do list.
  • Engage in problem-solving.
  • Establish healthy boundaries.
  • Walk away and leave a situation that is causing you stress.
  • Work on managing your time better.

Recap

Whether emotion-focused or problem-focused, healthy coping skills should help calm stress without avoiding the issue. The right coping skill often depends on the situation and your specific needs in the moment.

Unhealthy Coping Skills to Avoid

Just because a strategy helps you endure emotional pain, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy.Some coping skills could create bigger problems in your life. Here are some examples of unhealthy coping skills:

  • Drinking alcohol or using drugs: Substances may temporarily numb your pain, but they won’t resolve your issues. Substances are likely to introduce new problems into your life. Alcohol, for example, is a depressant that can make you feel worse. Using substances to cope also puts you at risk for developing a substance use disorder and it may create health, legal, financial problems, and social problems.
  • Overeating: Food is a common coping strategy. But, trying to "stuff your feelings" with food can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food and health issues. Sometimes people go to the other extreme and restrict their eating (because it makes them feel more in control) and clearly, that can be just as unhealthy.
  • Sleeping too much: Whether you take a nap when you’re stressed out or you sleep late to avoid facing the day, sleeping offers a temporary escape from your problems. However, when you wake up, the problem will still be there.
  • Venting to others: Talking about your problems so that you can gain support, develop a solution, or see a problem in a different way can be healthy.But studies show repeatedly venting to people about how bad your situation is or how terrible you feel is more likely to keep you stuck in a place of pain.
  • Overspending: While many people say they enjoy retail therapy as a way to feel better, shopping can become unhealthy. Owning too many possessions can add stress to your life. Also, spending more than you can afford will only backfire in the end and cause more stress.
  • Avoiding: Even “healthy” coping strategies can become unhealthy if you’re using them to avoid the problem.For example, if you are stressed about your financial situation, you might be tempted to spend time with friends or watch TV because that’s less anxiety-provoking than creating a budget. But if you never resolve your financial issues, your coping strategies are only masking the problem.

Recap

Unhealthy coping techniques—such as drinking or avoiding the problem—may offer some temporary relief, but they tend to make things worse in the long run. These unhealthy tactics can also lead to other problems that create more stress and make coping more difficult.

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Proactive Coping Skills

Coping skills are usually discussed as a reactive strategy: When you feel bad, you do something to cope. But, research shows that proactive coping strategies can effectively manage the future obstacles you’re likely to face.

For example, if you have worked hard to lose weight, proactive coping strategies could help you maintain your weight after your weight loss program has ended. You might plan for circumstances that might derail you—like the holiday season or dinner invitations from friends—to help you cope. You also might plan for how you will cope with emotions that previously caused you to snack, like boredom or loneliness.

Proactive coping can also help people deal with unexpected life changes, such as a major change in health. A 2014 study found that people who engaged with proactive coping were better able to deal with the changes they encountered after having a stroke.

Another study found that people who engaged in proactive coping were better equipped to manage their type 2 diabetes. Participants who planned ahead and set realistic goals enjoyed better psychological well-being.

So, if you are facing a stressful life event or you’ve undergone a major change, try planning ahead. Consider the skills you can use to cope with the challenges you’re likely to face. When you have a toolbox ready to go, you’ll know what to do. And that could help you to feel better equipped to face the challenges ahead.

Recap

Proactive coping has been found to be an effective way to help people deal with both predictable changes like a decline in income during retirement, as well as unpredictable life changes such as the onset of a chronic health condition.

Find What Works for You

The coping strategies that work for someone else might not work for you. Going for a walk might help your partner calm down. But you might find going for a walk when you’re angry causes you to think more about why you’re mad—and it fuels your angry feelings. So you might decide watching a funny video for a few minutes helps you relax.

You might find that certain coping strategies work best for specific issues or emotions. For example, engaging in a hobby may be an effective way to unwind after a long day at work. But, going for a walk in nature might be the best approach when you’re feeling sad.

When it comes to coping skills, there’s always room for improvement. So, assess what other tools and resources you can use and consider how you might continue to sharpen your skills in the future.

Recap

It's important to develop your own toolkit of coping skills that you’ll find useful. You may need to experiment with a variety of coping strategies to help you discover which ones work best for you.

A Word From Verywell

Healthy coping skills can help protect you from distress and face problems before they become more serious. By understanding the two main types of coping skills, you can better select strategies that are suited to different types of stress.

If you are struggling to practice healthy coping skills or find yourself relying on unhealthy ones instead, talking to a mental health professional can be helpful. A therapist can work with you to develop new skills that will serve your mental well-being for years to come.

The Best Online Therapy ProgramsWe've tried, tested and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain.

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4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Aldwin CM, Yancura LA. Coping. In: Encyclopedia of Applied Psychology. Elsevier; 2004:507-510. doi:10.1016/B0-12-657410-3/00126-4

  2. Byrd-Craven J, Geary DC, Rose AJ, Ponzi D. Co-ruminating increases stress hormone levels in women. Horm Behav. 2008;53(3):489-92. doi:10.1016/j.yhbeh.2007.12.002

  3. Drummond S, Brough P. Proactive coping and preventive coping: Evidence for two distinct constructs?. Personality and Individual Differences. 2016;92:123-127. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2015.12.029.

  4. Tielemans NS, Visser-Meily JM, Schepers VP, Post MW, van Heugten CM. Proactive coping poststroke: Psychometric properties of the Utrecht Proactive Coping Competence Scale. Arch Phys Med Rehabil. 2014;95(4):670-5. doi:10.1016/j.apmr.2013.11.010

Coping Skills for Stress and Uncomfortable Emotions (3)

By Amy Morin, LCSW
Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

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(Video) How to Deal with Negative Emotions - Distress Tolerance

FAQs

What are the 5 types of coping strategies for stress? ›

There are many different conceptualizations of coping strategies, but the five general types of coping strategies are problem-focused coping, emotion-focused coping, social support, religious coping, and meaning making.

What are the 4 types of coping strategies? ›

Weiten has identified four types of coping strategies: appraisal-focused (adaptive cognitive), problem-focused (adaptive behavioral), emotion-focused, and occupation-focused coping. Billings and Moos added avoidance coping as one of the emotion-focused coping.

What are 10 coping skills? ›

Top 10 Coping Skills
  • Deep Breathing. Often when faced with a stressful situation or feeling, our breathing changes. ...
  • Writing. Writing can be an effective means of working through stress. ...
  • Physical Activity. ...
  • Self-Talk. ...
  • Art. ...
  • Meditation. ...
  • Puzzles. ...
  • Music.
22 Oct 2019

How do you cope with stressful situations? ›

2. Commit to a Positive Attitude
  1. Decide what you can do. Pinpoint which parts of the situation you have the power to change or influence for the better. ...
  2. Get support. Find someone to talk to about your situation. ...
  3. Care for yourself. Take especially good care of yourself when stress in your life is high.

What are healthy coping strategies? ›

Examples of healthy coping skills include: Establishing and maintaining boundaries. Practicing relaxation strategies such as deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness. Getting regular physical activity.

What is an example of emotional focused coping? ›

This is called emotion-focused coping. For example, instead of trying to meet new people, you might journal when you feel lonely to try to process what you're feeling. Or you might practice mindfulness to manage your work-related stress rather than looking for a new position.

Which of the five coping strategies is the most effective? ›

Breaking down overwhelming tasks into manageable chunks is one of the most effective coping strategies for stress.

What are coping skills for anxiety? ›

Here are 11 tips for coping with an anxiety disorder:
  • Keep physically active. ...
  • Avoid alcohol and recreational drugs. ...
  • Quit smoking, and cut back or quit drinking caffeinated beverages. ...
  • Use stress management and relaxation techniques. ...
  • Make sleep a priority. ...
  • Eat healthy foods. ...
  • Learn about your disorder.
20 Jul 2021

How do I deal with negative emotions? ›

How to deal with negative emotions
  1. Don't blow things out of proportion by going over them time and again in your mind.
  2. Try to be reasonable – accept that bad feelings are occasionally unavoidable and think of ways to make yourself feel better.
  3. Relax – use pleasant activities like reading, walking or talking to a friend.

Which activity is a positive coping strategy? ›

The most utilized coping strategies include: Physical activity (outdoors and indoors) Virtual and in-person (socially distanced) social interaction. Positive psychology practice (e.g., creativity, humor)

What is an example of a coping strategy? ›

Examples of coping strategies are avoidance, seeking social support, drug and alcohol abuse, journaling, making to-do-list, procrastination, meditation, taking a break, and self isolation.

Why are positive coping skills important? ›

Coping skills help you tolerate, minimize, and deal with stressful situations in life. Managing your stress well can help you feel better physically and psychologically and it can impact your ability to perform your best.

What are 100 ways to deal with anxiety? ›

Here's the list:
  • Talk to someone about it. By sharing your thoughts with others, you allow them to understand you. ...
  • Go for a walk. ...
  • Pet a dog. ...
  • Go to the movies and watch a comedy. ...
  • Slow your breathing down. ...
  • Use relaxation imagery meditation. ...
  • Take a bubble bath. ...
  • Play a sport.

What are the three steps to manage stress? ›

The Three Steps of Stress Management
  1. Determine the current stressors within your life.
  2. Identify ways to reduce the stressors.
  3. Make changes and prioritize your life accordingly.

Which factors improve coping? ›

Factors That Improve Coping

Some important factors that influence coping are social support, optimism, and perceived control: Social support: Many studies show that having good social support correlates with better physical and mental health.

What are emotional symptoms of stress? ›

Emotional symptoms of stress include:
  • Becoming easily agitated, frustrated, and moody.
  • Feeling overwhelmed, as if you are losing control or need to take control.
  • Having a hard time relaxing and quieting your mind.
  • Feeling bad about yourself (low self-esteem), and feeling lonely, worthless, and depressed.
  • Avoiding others.
19 Aug 2021

How do you process your emotions in a healthy way? ›

Process Feelings
  1. Draw how you're feeling.
  2. Make a gratitude list.
  3. Punch a pillow.
  4. Scream.
  5. Let yourself cry.
  6. Rip paper into small pieces.
  7. Vent. Venting is not the same as asking for help, it's taking an opportunity to share your feelings out loud.

How can I manage my anxiety on my own? ›

10 strategies to try
  1. Slow breathing. When you're anxious, your breathing becomes faster and shallower. ...
  2. Progressive muscle relaxation. Find a quiet location. ...
  3. Stay in the present moment. ...
  4. Healthy lifestyle. ...
  5. Take small acts of bravery. ...
  6. Challenge your self-talk. ...
  7. Plan worry time. ...
  8. Get to know your anxiety.

What are physical coping skills? ›

Physical coping skills are strategies that we can use to express our feelings in a physical way. By using these coping skills, students will replace hitting, shoving, kicking, etc. with less destructive behaviors. There are many different ways that students can release their anger in a physical way.

How do you overcome anxiety and overthinking? ›

Here are 10 tips to try when you begin to experience the same thought, or set of thoughts, swirling around your head:
  1. Distract yourself. ...
  2. Plan to take action. ...
  3. Take action. ...
  4. Question your thoughts. ...
  5. Readjust your life's goals. ...
  6. Work on enhancing your self-esteem. ...
  7. Try meditation. ...
  8. Understand your triggers.
15 Nov 2019

How can I control my emotions and thoughts? ›

Here are some pointers to get you started.
  1. Take a look at the impact of your emotions. Intense emotions aren't all bad. ...
  2. Aim for regulation, not repression. ...
  3. Identify what you're feeling. ...
  4. Accept your emotions — all of them. ...
  5. Keep a mood journal. ...
  6. Take a deep breath. ...
  7. Know when to express yourself. ...
  8. Give yourself some space.
28 Apr 2020

How do you sit emotionally uncomfortable? ›

5 Steps to Sitting with Your Feelings
  1. Acknowledge that you are feeling something. This might sound silly, but the first step is to just acknowledge that you feel something! ...
  2. Name and identify the feeling. ...
  3. Notice where you are feeling it. ...
  4. Breath! ...
  5. Practice Self Compassion.
29 Jul 2021

How can I control my anger and emotions? ›

Advertisement
  1. Think before you speak. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. ...
  2. Once you're calm, express your concerns. ...
  3. Get some exercise. ...
  4. Take a timeout. ...
  5. Identify possible solutions. ...
  6. Stick with 'I' statements. ...
  7. Don't hold a grudge. ...
  8. Use humor to release tension.

Which of the five coping strategies is the most effective? ›

Breaking down overwhelming tasks into manageable chunks is one of the most effective coping strategies for stress.

What are 3 examples of healthy coping strategies? ›

Healthy Coping Mechanisms and Tools
  • Meditating.
  • Stretching.
  • Engaging in progressive muscle relaxation.
  • Listening to music.
  • Aerobic exercise.
  • Watching television.
  • Going to the movies.
  • Reading.
28 Oct 2017

What are active coping strategies? ›

Active coping strategies involve an awareness of the stressor, followed by attempts to reduce the negative outcome. By contrast, avoidant coping is characterized by ignoring the issue, often resulting in activities that aid in the denial of the problem (e.g., drinking, sleeping, isolating).

What are negative coping strategies for stress? ›

Negative coping responses
  • Criticizing yourself (negative self-talk)
  • Driving fast in a car.
  • Chewing your fingernails.
  • Becoming aggressive or violent (hitting someone, throwing or kicking something)
  • Eating too much or too little or drinking a lot of coffee.
  • Smoking or chewing tobacco.
  • Drinking alcohol.

What are 5 healthy coping skills? ›

Healthy Problem-Focused Coping Skills
  • Ask for support from a friend or a professional.
  • Create a to-do list.
  • Engage in problem-solving.
  • Establish healthy boundaries.
  • Walk away and leave a situation that is causing you stress.
  • Work on managing your time better.
6 Sept 2022

Which activity is a positive coping strategy? ›

The most utilized coping strategies include: Physical activity (outdoors and indoors) Virtual and in-person (socially distanced) social interaction. Positive psychology practice (e.g., creativity, humor)

How do people cope with stress? ›

Eat healthy, exercise, get plenty of sleep, and give yourself a break if you feel stressed out. Take care of your body. Take deep breaths, stretch, or meditate. Try to eat healthy, well-balanced meals.

What are coping skills for anxiety? ›

Here are 11 tips for coping with an anxiety disorder:
  • Keep physically active. ...
  • Avoid alcohol and recreational drugs. ...
  • Quit smoking, and cut back or quit drinking caffeinated beverages. ...
  • Use stress management and relaxation techniques. ...
  • Make sleep a priority. ...
  • Eat healthy foods. ...
  • Learn about your disorder.
20 Jul 2021

What is an example of a coping strategy? ›

Examples of coping strategies are avoidance, seeking social support, drug and alcohol abuse, journaling, making to-do-list, procrastination, meditation, taking a break, and self isolation.

How can I manage my anxiety on my own? ›

10 strategies to try
  1. Slow breathing. When you're anxious, your breathing becomes faster and shallower. ...
  2. Progressive muscle relaxation. Find a quiet location. ...
  3. Stay in the present moment. ...
  4. Healthy lifestyle. ...
  5. Take small acts of bravery. ...
  6. Challenge your self-talk. ...
  7. Plan worry time. ...
  8. Get to know your anxiety.

Why are coping skills important? ›

Coping skills help you tolerate, minimize, and deal with stressful situations in life. Managing your stress well can help you feel better physically and psychologically and it can impact your ability to perform your best.

What are some positive and negative coping mechanisms? ›

Positive coping mechanisms include seeking help from supportive people, such as a counselor or friend. Other positive ways to cope include meditation, journaling, and exercising. A negative coping mechanism includes stress in which a person attacks others and makes them uncomfortable.

What are 5 unhealthy coping strategies? ›

Some of the most common unhealthy coping mechanisms are:
  • Avoiding issues. ...
  • Sleeping too much. ...
  • Excessive drug or alcohol use. ...
  • Impulsive spending. ...
  • Over or under eating.

What are negative coping skills? ›

Negative coping includes the use of alcohol, drugs, overeating and other risky or aggressive behaviours to cope with stress or anxiety. Find out what you can do to avoid these behaviours or seek support for negative coping.

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