How to Piss Off a Narcissist in 12 Surprisingly Easy Ways? (2022)

Last Updated on August 15, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

Narcissists love attention, validation, and power. So what drives a narcissist crazy?

Simply put, anything that jeopardizes their basic needs for superiority can quickly irritate them.

If you want to know how to infuriate a narcissist, you can look no further than giving them nothing.

But you can also stand up for yourself, set boundaries, and refuse their gaslighting strategies. Let’s dive into how to piss off a narcissist.

1. Praising Someone Else Or Something Else

Did you see the way he performed last night? He was incredible!

She’s such a good wife. He’s lucky to have her.

They did a great job decorating their home. I love it.

What pisses off a narcissist? Feeling like someone else is better than them. Very few things make them feel more miserable than that insecurity.

Their egos cannot comprehend that other people deserve recognition and attention in the same ways they do. Instead of feeling happy for someone else’s success, they tend to experience confusion, jealousy, and even contempt.

When they hear you praising someone else, they will usually respond by:

  • Criticizing you or your taste (making it seem like you’re acting crazy).
  • Trying to take credit for that person’s success.
  • Shrugging off the praise, as if it doesn’t matter to them.
  • Attempting to one-up their success.
  • Getting angry and telling you that you should be with that person instead.
  • Discrediting the praise and blaming the person for lying, stealing, or manipulating.

In other words, a narcissist doesn’t really know how to be happy for someone else. Instead, they will search to find a narrative that suits their personal success story.

2. Pursuing Your Own Interests

Narcissists assume they know the best way to live life. For instance, if they love golfing, you’re an idiot if you don’t enjoy the game. If they enjoy a particular restaurant, you lack good taste if you prefer somewhere else.

Pursuing your own interests can easily piss off a narcissist, especially when your preferences clash with theirs. Some major conflicts of interest can include:

  • Voting differently from them.
  • Being more or less religious than they are.
  • Spending time with friends they don’t like.
  • Following a different diet.
  • Consuming media (certain movies or music) they don’t enjoy.

To retaliate, they may tease or criticize you for your choices. Or, they may try to sabotage you altogether.

(Video) 12 ways to piss off a narcissist

Their efforts to belittle you often come from a place of insecurity and fear. Deep down, narcissists feel afraid of losing power and worry about losing you to someone or something else.

3. Disregarding Material Goods

Many narcissists are obsessed with earning and flaunting money. Big houses, fancy cars, designer clothes- they want it all, and they want to show it off to everyone in the world.

Many times, they substitute love for money. They also may inflate their worth by trying to prove their love by how much stuff they give you.

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If you don’t show much interest, they may feel oscillate between feeling embarrassed, confused, and irritated. What do you mean you don’t want this? What’s wrong with you? Anyone would kill to be in your shoes! You don’t even realize how lucky you are.

How to Piss off a Narcissist #4. Helping Someone Else

It’s no secret that narcissists tend to be extremely selfish. Their large egos leave little room for caring about other people. Subsequently, they perceive others as either pawns or challenges- not as entire people with complex thoughts and feelings.

If you choose to be generous or compassionate towards someone else, they will likely feel angry.

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They may demean you with mean comments like, why are you being such a martyr?

Or they might try to stop you altogether with expressions like we don’t have the money for you to just donate to charity right now. You need to focus your attention on our family.

#5 Succeeding (And Outperforming Them)

It’s a misconception that narcissists only want weak-minded people in their lives.

Many narcissists do enjoy the company of intelligent and thoughtful people. There’s just one caveat. They still need to be the best. And if they’re not the best, they need to be close to it.

How to piss off a Narcissist? By becoming better than them. If you start succeeding, it becomes extremely threatening. They don’t quite know how to cope with this new reality. Instead of celebrating and feeling happy for you, they may respond by:

  • Dismissing your success: It’s not that big of a deal. Anyone could have done that!
  • One-upping your success: It’s great you did that. By the way, did you hear about my new promotion at work…?
  • Accusing you of cheating, lying, stealing, or having some kind of external advantage: You only got that opportunity because your boss wants to sleep with you.
  • Attributing your success to their actions: I’m glad I told you to go after that! If I hadn’t said anything, you wouldn’t have even tried.
  • Blaming you for hurting them: You’re just trying to make me look bad, aren’t you?

You deserve every ounce of your success. Choosing to embrace (and even revel!) in it will continue to enrage them.

#6 Validating and Loving The Scapegoat

Narcissists see the world in a strict black-or-white sphere. These extremes allow them to either love or hate other people- there is no in-between.

As a result, narcissists use scapegoats to project blame and frustration onto other people.

(Video) 7 Comments That Easily Trigger A Narcissist's Anger

These scapegoats are singled out for their real or perceived flaws. They become the victim of emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse.

But it’s not just the narcissist who wants to blame the scapegoat. They want other people to rally against them as well. They want the entire world to see how messed up the scapegoat really is.

When you defy this narrative and stand up for the scapegoat, you shatter part of their master plan.

You create friction within the dynamic, and that enrages the narcissist. They aren’t interested in seeing your perspective, but they also don’t like knowing that you aren’t on their team.

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#7 Being Stoic

Stoicism refers to withstanding pain or discomfort without exhibiting an outward emotional response. In other words, it’s taking things as they come without complaining or reacting.

Let’s be real. Narcissists love to create drama– they live for stirring the pot and causing problems.

They expect you to react and even retaliate. Even though you think that your emotions might irritate them, the opposite holds true. Having no emotional response tends to be the most threatening response of all.

That’s because narcissists need to know they control the room. In a way, your anger or sadness shows they have power over you.

It shows they can contort your emotions. So when you don’t give them that pleasure, they are forced to examine their hollow selves.

#8 Respecting Authority

Have you ever noticed how often narcissists have issues in the workplace? It’s because they don’t play very well with others, and they certainly don’t know how to follow the rules.

Narcissists tend to detest authoritative figures, whether it’s their boss, law enforcement, politicians, or even their parents. They don’t like someone calling the shots unless that someone is them.

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Moreover, they expect you to agree with their ideology. They will spend a great deal of time trying to prove to you why the other person is incompetent, unfair, or otherwise idiotic.

The best way to piss them off? Keep following the rules. Respect the authority figures appropriately. Consider thanking the authority for their hard work and good efforts.

If you do this, you can watch the narcissist unravel. It will happen very quickly.

(Video) 10 Ways to Manipulate a Narcissist | (Keeping the Peace with a Narcissist)

#9 Consistently Maintaining Your Boundaries

Narcissists aren’t stupid. They understand the concept of boundaries, and they recognize that everyone has personal limits.

But they also believe that they are entitled to what they want. Therefore, even though they logically comprehend boundaries, they see themselves as exempt from the rule.

To them, boundaries are simply a suggestion or even a challenge. They will do what they can to try to convince you that your boundaries are silly or inappropriate.

The solution to this insanity? Implement your firm boundaries. Every single time. No ifs, ands, or buts. No one-time exceptions.

The more you stand firm with your limits, the less power they have over you and your actions.

And yes, this will piss them off endlessly. You will see the rage in real-time by the way they call you stupid or crazy or mean. You will see it in the way they try to smear you to others or gaslight your reality altogether.

#10 Going To Therapy

Just like narcissists dislike authority figures, they also tend to resent healthcare professionals.

Narcissists don’t want anyone poking and prodding about their lives. They want to act in their usual ways without any real accountability for their appalling behavior.

If you choose to pursue therapy, the narcissist will feel threatened. They will undoubtedly worry about what you talk about in your sessions. They may fear the therapist siding with you or discrediting them.

More than that, narcissists don’t like thinking that someone or something may empower you to think differently.

They want you complacent and complicit with their behavior. They know that therapists may try to explore alternative ways of coping with your emotions.

This anger comes out in several different forms, including:

  • Bargaining: You don’t need therapy. You can talk to me. I’ll always listen.
  • Scapegoating the therapist: They’re just after your money. They don’t care about you!
  • Stalkerish, controlling behaviors: I want to go to the next session with you. If you’re going to blab about your personal feelings with someone, I want to know who they are.
  • Complete refusal of support: I am not going to pay for these sessions. You’re on your own.

#11 Spending Time With New Friends

Narcissists want to know the people in your life. Mostly, it’s because they want to vet them. Are they someone who will align with the narcissist’s values? Or, are they someone who may pose a serious threat?

When you hang out with new people, it activates their insecurity, jealousy, and confusion. They can’t exactly understand why they wouldn’t be enough for you.

They may respond in several, dysfunctional ways, including:

  • Criticizing the other people before they have even met them: I’ve heard she’s crazy.
  • Acting like the victim: Do you not like spending time with me anymore? Am I really so boring?
  • Praising your old friends: What about so-and-so? They’ve always been so supportive of you. I think you should try to reconnect more with them right now.
  • Trying to charm you all over again: I know you were planning on having dinner with so-and-so tonight, but I’m cooking you something special, and I have a great surprise afterward.
  • Responding with passive-aggressive comments: I guess you’re too busy for me now. I’m happy for you, though. You obviously need a change.

#12 Ending Your Relationship Entirely

A narcissist believes that you’re fortunate to have them in your life. You should be thanking them for their wonderful existence!

If you choose to cut ties with them, prepare for the tumultuous rollercoaster of shock, rage, and terror.

—-> Read Our Guide To The Narcissist in Relationships

(Video) 13 Phrases Narcissists Hate

They are so used to the status quo of them dictating everyone’s behavior that they don’t know how to cope when someone stops playing by their rules.

To retaliate, they will usually try many different tricks to manipulate you back into their lives.

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  • I miss you! I promise to change. I’m going to start going to therapy.
  • I didn’t mean what I said. Can you give me another chance?
  • You need me! Who else would put up with you?
  • What would the kids think if you left? Is that the kind of parent you want to be?
  • What about all the good times we had? Do you really want to throw them all away?
  • Just wait until I tell everyone what kind of person you really are.

These all represent different scenarios where a narcissist may attempt to gaslight you.

Because they are crafted to tug at your emotions, they often work. So when you take the opposite approach and continue to take the high road, it’s absolutely infuriating.

Did you try any of these things? Please share them with us in the comments.

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(Video) An Unexpectedly Effective Way To Respond To A Narcissist's Criticisms

FAQs

What is the best way to shut down a narcissist? ›

The following are 16 key phrases to disarm a narcissist:
  1. 1. “ ...
  2. “I Can't Control How You Feel About Me” ...
  3. “I Hear What You're Saying” ...
  4. “I'm Sorry You Feel That Way” ...
  5. “Everything Is Okay” ...
  6. “We Both Have a Right to Our Own Opinions” ...
  7. “I Can Accept How You Feel” ...
  8. “I Don't Like How You're Speaking to Me so I Will not Engage”
28 Dec 2021

How do you outsmart a narcissist in a conversation? ›

Here are the steps you should take:
  1. Don't argue about 'right' and 'wrong' ...
  2. Instead, try to empathise with their feelings. ...
  3. Use 'we' language. ...
  4. Don't expect an apology. ...
  5. Ask about a topic that interests them. ...
  6. Don't take the bait yourself. ...
  7. Remember to put yourself first.
11 Feb 2018

What turns a narcissist off? ›

The best way to shut down a narcissist is to not engage with them at all and to go no contact. People that are narcissistic want things from you – they want your attention and your emotional reaction.

What are narcissist weaknesses? ›

A very obvious weakness of the narcissist is their inability to self-reflect and self-analyze. In fact, they're incapable of looking within to understand themselves. They usually use a number of defense mechanisms when it comes to accepting their many insecurities.

How do you humiliate a narcissist? ›

If you want to cut to a narcissist's emotional core, make them look bad in public. Try challenging their opinions, ignoring their commands, or laughing at their misfortunes and they'll fly into a narcissistic rage.

What a narcissist hates the most? ›

The thing that narcissists hate the most is when their fears of inadequacy are triggered by narcissistic injuries, disappointment, rejection, or even feedback and/or criticism.

Can you outsmart a narcissist? ›

Narcissists thrive on control and access to your life—but they don't have either of those things when you completely cut them out. Going "no contact," or removing them from every aspect of your life, is the healthiest, most permanent way to outsmart a narcissist.

How do you make a narcissist feel guilty? ›

To make a narcissist feel guilty about their actions or mistakes, they need to know that there are consequences. Let the narcissist know that you won't tolerate their actions and that you're willing to walk away from the relationship if it continues.

How do you beat a narcissistic bully? ›

Best Ways To Deal With Narcissistic Rage
  1. Don't Be Baited.
  2. Don't Accept Their Blame.
  3. Fight Back With Kindness.
  4. Make and Stick to Boundaries.
  5. Give Equal Weight to Your Own Feelings.
  6. Defend Yourself: Prevent Bullying Without Fighting.
  7. Make Sure to Document Everything.
17 Oct 2020

What is the narcissist afraid of? ›

Narcissists are terrified of being alone, and their greatest fear is abandonment. Setting clear boundaries or not reacting to their chaotic manipulation will cause them to become afraid of losing you even though they may never admit it.

What to say to a narcissist to shut them down? ›

What to Say to Disarm a Narcissist
  • “I don't agree with you, but you have a right to have your opinion. ...
  • “You are certainly entitled to your opinion. ...
  • “We can agree to disagree.”
  • “We will work on this together.”
  • “Let me ask your advice on this. ...
  • “I hear what you're saying.”
  • “I'm sorry you feel that way.”
12 Dec 2021

What happens when you stop giving a narcissist attention? ›

Simply put, narcissists hate being ignored. They probably want to make you feel ashamed, regretful, and rattled. They want to be in control and will go to any length to keep feeling empowered. It's critical to understand that a narcissist will not leave you alone the first time you ignore them.

What should you not do to a narcissist? ›

What Not to Do With a Narcissist
  1. Don't argue or confront. Manly finds it's best not to confront a narcissist directly. ...
  2. Don't try to direct them. Narcissists like to have control and often fear losing it. ...
  3. Don't expect them to see your point of view.

Can you manipulate a narcissist? ›

When done properly, manipulating a narcissist can temporarily protect victims of narcissistic abuse and give them time to put themselves in a position from which they can set and maintain firm boundaries with their abuser.

What's the best way to humiliate someone? ›

How to Humiliate Someone
  1. Strategize well before degrading someone. ...
  2. Make false claims to those closest in her circle. ...
  3. Create a blog on the Internet exposing her deepest secrets and embarrassing stories. ...
  4. Invite the person to a party and get really drunk. ...
  5. Use his biggest flaw against him.

What happens when you embarrass a narcissist? ›

When a narcissist gets humiliated they experience a narcissistic injury. This triggers their suppressed painful emotions and compromises their emotional stability. To stabilize themselves, narcissists could use narcissistic rage, self-victimization, and/or discarding to regain control of their painful emotions.

What happens when you shame a narcissist? ›

Narcissists are so uncomfortable with deeper emotions, especially shame that they would rather put off facing this hidden, negative emotion at all costs. They will criticize and blame others in order to avoid feeling like a failure.

How an empath destroys a narcissist? ›

The super-empath's most effective tool is to turn off their emotions. They become icy cold, and they can then attack the narcissist's vulnerable ego. They are quite capable of going for the jugular when they put their mind to it, and for the narcissist, it can destroy them.

What does a narcissist think when you block them? ›

Most narcissists will view being blocked as an act of aggression. A blocked narcissist won't have any ability to silence or control you, which is very important for them. This is highly likely to be an overwhelming and scary feeling for them.

What are things a narcissist would say? ›

"You're a bad person." "Nobody else will ever love you." "I'm the best you'll ever have." "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life."

What is gray rocking method? ›

What is the grey rock method? Grey rocking is a technique used to divert a toxic person's behavior by acting as unresponsive as possible when you're interacting with them. For example, using the grey rock method involves deliberate actions like avoiding eye contact or not showing emotions during a conversation.

How do you put a narcissist in place? ›

10 Tactics to Put a Narcissist in Their Place - YouTube

What makes a narcissist mad? ›

An unstable sense of self-esteem that makes them feel as though they are at risk of being "found out" can result in rage when triggered. Facing a setback or disappointment that triggers shame and shatters one's self-image, can then triggers anger.

What infuriates a narcissist? ›

Narcissists love attention, validation, and power. So what drives a narcissist crazy? Simply put, anything that jeopardizes their basic needs for superiority can quickly irritate them. If you want to know how to infuriate a narcissist, you can look no further than giving them nothing.

How do you trigger a narcissistic rage? ›

What Triggers a Narcissist?
  1. Getting caught doing something dishonest or mean.
  2. Being held accountable for their actions.
  3. Not being the center of attention.
  4. Any form of criticism — no matter how constructive or accurate.
  5. Being exposed as a manipulator or liar.
  6. A sense of not being in control.
13 Oct 2021

What is narcissistic rage examples? ›

Examples of narcissistic rage range from intense outbursts and sudden fits of anger, to passive-aggressive acts such as simmering resentment, icy silence, deliberate neglect, or cutting sarcasm.

Are narcissists evil? ›

Narcissists can be intently and irreversibly evil, though most of them are not. The question is, what makes them so wicked? The simplest definition of narcissism is excessive self-love, but it isn't the whole picture.

How do narcissists treat their family? ›

In many families, a narcissistic sibling or child slowly takes over by demanding the most attention and loyalty, insulting everyone (even parents), violating the family's rules, and manipulating its decision-making.

How do you tame a narcissist? ›

How to tame a narcissist?
  1. First, Identify. Many smart narcissists are naturally drawn to management positions where they can realize their leadership motivation, ambition and need to take the center stage. ...
  2. Intervene early. ...
  3. Decentralize power. ...
  4. Ask for professional help.
31 Mar 2014

What happens when a narcissist knows you figured them out? ›

When a narcissist is exposed or when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, they will never admit the truth even if it is staring them in the face. A narcissist will lay several false accusations and try to make him right. They will say things you didn't utter and misinterpret all your intentions.

What techniques do narcissists use? ›

Narcissists may use manipulation tactics such as saying something hurtful and passing it off as a joke. Overcoming manipulation could involve listening to oneself, setting boundaries, and refusing to engage in verbal combat.

How do you tell if a narcissist is using you? ›

30 Signs that a narcissist is finished with you
  1. The narcissist no longer hides their true colors. ...
  2. You feel the change. ...
  3. The narcissist will no longer give you love bombs. ...
  4. They are constantly irritated with you. ...
  5. The narcissist ignores everything you say. ...
  6. They criticize you. ...
  7. They are always distant. ...
  8. A narcissist will gaslight you.
28 Mar 2022

Will the narcissist ever regret losing me? ›

Do narcissists regret discarding or losing someone? It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.

Do narcissists miss you after no contact? ›

Do narcissists miss their ex after No Contact? Now you might be thinking that the narcissist really misses you and the answer is yes, they do but not the way you hope. As we explained above, you were their source of narcissistic supply — a source of love, admiration, and praise.

Will the narcissist ever miss me? ›

The answer can also be no in that a true narcissist doesn't really miss you as a person; they miss how you made them feel. You were a source of narcissistic supply and provided them with positive feelings.

What to say to a narcissist to shut them down? ›

What to Say to Disarm a Narcissist
  • “I don't agree with you, but you have a right to have your opinion. ...
  • “You are certainly entitled to your opinion. ...
  • “We can agree to disagree.”
  • “We will work on this together.”
  • “Let me ask your advice on this. ...
  • “I hear what you're saying.”
  • “I'm sorry you feel that way.”
12 Dec 2021

How do you humiliate a narcissist? ›

If you want to cut to a narcissist's emotional core, make them look bad in public. Try challenging their opinions, ignoring their commands, or laughing at their misfortunes and they'll fly into a narcissistic rage.

What to say to a narcissist to break up? ›

"I feel like this relationship has run its course, so I'm breaking up with you." "I've decided it's best to end things between us." "I've realized this relationship just doesn't work for me anymore, so it's over." There's a difference between what your ex-partner needs to know versus what they want to know.

What happens when you shame a narcissist? ›

Narcissists are so uncomfortable with deeper emotions, especially shame that they would rather put off facing this hidden, negative emotion at all costs. They will criticize and blame others in order to avoid feeling like a failure.

How do you make a narcissist feel guilty? ›

To make a narcissist feel guilty about their actions or mistakes, they need to know that there are consequences. Let the narcissist know that you won't tolerate their actions and that you're willing to walk away from the relationship if it continues.

How do I take control of a narcissist? ›

Take these steps to handle a narcissist:
  1. Educateyourself. Find out more about the disorder. It can help you understand the narcissist's strengths and weaknesses and learn how to handle them better. ...
  2. Create boundaries. Be clear about your boundaries. ...
  3. Speak up for yourself. When you need something, be clear and concise.

What's the best way to humiliate someone? ›

How to Humiliate Someone
  1. Strategize well before degrading someone. ...
  2. Make false claims to those closest in her circle. ...
  3. Create a blog on the Internet exposing her deepest secrets and embarrassing stories. ...
  4. Invite the person to a party and get really drunk. ...
  5. Use his biggest flaw against him.

What happens when you embarrass a narcissist? ›

When a narcissist gets humiliated they experience a narcissistic injury. This triggers their suppressed painful emotions and compromises their emotional stability. To stabilize themselves, narcissists could use narcissistic rage, self-victimization, and/or discarding to regain control of their painful emotions.

What happens to a narcissist in the end? ›

In general, it may involve intense emotional reactions and a tendency toward vindictive behaviors, but it could also lead to depression and withdrawal. Narcissistic collapse isn't a permanent occurrence once it happens. Typically, the emotional pain will decrease and the person may return to feeling their usual.

How do you tell a narcissist goodbye? ›

Be blunt, direct, and tell them it's clear to you how they are. Tell them you're aware of their actions and they'll feel they have no real power of you. Most narcissists are driven by their sense of shame they would never admit, and you can point this out to them. They'll be astounded and confused.

What triggers shame in a narcissist? ›

Narcissists rarely if ever feel guilt but are deeply tormented by shame. Because as children they do not develop normative empathy for others, narcissists lack the compassion and sense of responsibility for their behavior that triggers guilt.

Can you manipulate a narcissist? ›

When done properly, manipulating a narcissist can temporarily protect victims of narcissistic abuse and give them time to put themselves in a position from which they can set and maintain firm boundaries with their abuser.

How do you put a narcissist in place? ›

10 Tactics to Put a Narcissist in Their Place - YouTube

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1. 12 Ways You May be Feeding the Narcissist
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2. 5 Empowering Ways to Disarm a Narcissist: Outsmart a Narcissist with These Tips
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3. How To Stop Being A Covert Narcissist [Complete Guide]
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4. 9 Things That Will Happen When Empaths No Longer Fear Narcissists
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5. 8 Key Phrases You Can Use to Shut Down the Narcissist and Get them to Leave You Alone
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6. Cold Hearted Narcissists Who Are Grossly Insensitive
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