Narcissists And Sleep – Narcissisms.Com (2022)

If you’ve been close to a narcissist, you’ve probably noticed some strange attitudes and behaviours towards sleep.

Over the years I’ve noticed many reoccurring themes when it comes to narcissists and sleep. As with most things, even sleep isn’t simple with narcissists!

By understanding narcissists’ attitudes to sleep, you better understand their mindset. And the more you understand their mindset, the more empowered you are.

You’ll see through their games. And understand the strange behaviours you perhaps stopped noticing. Also, it’s good to know you’re not alone when experiencing the things narcissists do.

So, here we go. Here’s my observations of narcissists and sleep. See if you recognise any of these quirks…

Most narcissists need lots of sleep. This may be related to alcohol or drug use. Because most drugs and alcohol sedate you with long term use.

Another reason they sleep a lot is avoidance. Sleep gets them out of doing things. If they’re asleep, then they’re unavailable to help with the mundane chores life throws our way. Like getting children ready for school etc. But the biggest reason narcissists need lots of sleep is the mental toil of trying to be impossibly perfect.

Narcissists crank up extreme pressure on themselves to be perfect. They have delusions of superiority they MUST maintain. So they worry about making the most minor mistakes. Which turns simple activities into stressful ordeals. You’ve probably noticed that narcissists can make opening a packet of biscuits look more stressful than assembling a wardrobe!

Instead of letting go and conceding “defeat”, narcissists cheat, lie, or drag others down, to kid themselves they’re perfect. It’s YOUR fault they dropped that biscuit!

Their relentless pursuit for perfection must be exhausting. Mainly because it’s a battle they can’t win. And with the nervous energy they expend fretting and worrying, it’s no wonder they need lots of sleep.

(Video) Sleep difficulties in narcissistic relationships

Narcissists snarl like hibernating bears when woken up. This is usually for a combination of one or more of these reasons…

Narcissists struggle facing reality. Because deep down they know they’re not superior, and they’re not perfect. But their fragile ego refuses to admit this.

It pains them that the universe conspires against them. And refuses to acknowledge their greatness. So they may sleep for the same reasons they use drink and drugs. To escape reality.

In the inner world of sleep, narcissists are masters of their destiny. THEY call the shots. And even if things go wrong, it was only a stupid dream anyway. And no one’s around to witness it.

Narcissists also get angry when woken due to control issues. As I’m sure you’re aware, narcissists like to control others. But shudder at the thought of anyone controlling them. Especially their nearest and dearest. In their mind, someone waking them has asserted control over them. And dragged them, kicking and screaming back to reality. How dare they.

Another reason narcissists anger when woken is energy preservation. Narcissists seem aware of energy as a commodity. And they like to preserve their energy for the important things in life, such as partying and impressing their adoring fans. So they’re also angry at you for “stealing” their energy. It’s their place to steal yours. I’ll talk more about this later.

Narcissists seriously believe they’re elevated above ordinary mortals. And to prove this, some pretend to sleep less than they actually do.

Some claim they’re an insomniac. And they may seem convincing, even when you live with them. But when you observe them, and add up how much they actually sleep, it often paints a different picture.

Some narcissists briefly wake up in the middle of the night, and find ways to prove they were awake. They may wake you up to tell you they’re awake. Or post something on social media, knowing it has a time stamp. Of course they neglect to mention that they went back to sleep ten minutes later. Zzzz.

Not only does this prove their superiority, it gains them sympathy. Poor baby can’t sleep! And it gives them an excuse to shirk their responsibilities. “Not today. I barely slept again last night.”

(Video) When narcissists deprive you of sleep

Many narcissists are night owls, and prefer to sleep during the day, and stay awake at night. Particularly narcissists who drink or take drugs.

Narcissists don’t like to admit they have a drug or alcohol problem, because that would be admitting they’re flawed. So they often stay up late to hide their dependencies. Here’s an example of how they do it…

My ex would often stay up until 6am drinking. Then sleep most of the next day. I would have to wake her before her daughter returned home from school. But to most onlookers, it wouldn’t appear she had much of a problem.

If she had her first drink by 7pm, well that’s not too uncommon these days. But it IS uncommon to drink 3 hours after waking up!

Sleeping most of the day allows them to turn to their poison of choice soon after waking. And continue long after most rational people fall asleep. In their minds, and other peoples, their lifestyle appears within the realms of normality. And they can do what they want, whilst maintaining their carefully cultivated wholesome public image.

Sleeping most of the day also excuses them from life’s responsibilities. Like getting children ready for school. Or traipsing round the supermarkets. Because by the time they’ve got their sh*t together, it’s usually too late.

Some narcissists go to bed early and wake up early. Particularly those who don’t drink or take drugs.

These narcissists are usually the “whollier than thou” narcissists. Who wake up mega early, and chastise anyone who doesn’t do the same.

The narcissist has the attitude of, “I’m up, so everyone else should be.” And look down their noses at those weaklings still sleeping at 7am.

And sometimes they put themselves under enormous pressure to get up early. Just to prove a point.

(Video) Jane Fjermestad-Noll: Narcissism and depression, an introduction

Although most narcissists like their sleep, they don’t like others to sleep. At least not when they’re awake.

They may deliberately disturb you. Or ridicule you. Or even tell you off, just for sleeping. Leaving you feeling guilty, just for having a normal nights sleep. There’s a few reasons why they do this…

The first is that you’re no use to them when you’re sleeping. Narcissists like to have people around them, just in case they need something. And if you’re asleep, what use are you?

Narcissists also have unquenchable thirsts for attention. And they need almost constant validation of how great they are. If you’re asleep, then you’re not giving them the attention they richly deserve. Remember, you’re here to serve them!

As I mentioned earlier, narcissists are aware of energy games. And they like to deplete their loved ones energy, whilst preserving their own. They do this because tired people have less fight on them. And are more controllable.

So they play the game of disturbing their partners sleep, whilst maximising their own. And this energy game extends to other areas of their life too.

Narcissists are often reluctant to buy labour saving devices if they benefit their partner. They may also cause trouble when you look like you’re relaxing. And if you drift off to sleep in your chair, expect a prod to wake you. Or something equally as annoying. Here’s why they like you to be tired…

Narcissists like to play the energy game for a couple of reasons. First, it preserves their delusions of superiority. They know they have a performance advantage if you’re tired and they’re not. And they can make you think it’s YOU that’s lazy, and not them.

And because you’re so jaded, you can’t think straight. Which temporarily knocks a few points off your IQ.

Narcissists often have abandonment issues. And prefer their partners to be too tired and anxious to explore the world. That way they’re more likely to stay safely ensconced at home, where they can keep their beady eye on them.

(Video) What Makes a Narcissist Unable To Sleep

As with most things in life, narcissists like to milk the act of sleeping for personal gain. This is how deeply they think about gaining unfair advantages.

Many narcissists seem to attach currency to sleep. They want to be seen as someone who doesn’t need much sleep. Because in their mind this elevates them above the rest of humanity. So many play the game of sleeping lots, whilst pretending to sleep little.

Narcissists place a high value on their sleep. But not on yours. In fact they may deliberately sabotage your sleep.

Narcissists know that if you’re tired most of the time, you’re less likely to do things for yourself. And more likely to stick around in a zombified and compliant state. Plus they like you to be awake to give them attention and do things for them.

You can probably expect a narcissist to go ballistic if you accidentally wake them. In fact you may tip-toe carefully when they’re sleeping, because of past conduct.

But hypercritically it’s OK for them to deliberately wake you. Even for spurious reasons, such as a supposed “joke”. As with most things in life, narcissists have a different set of rules for you than they have for themselves.

Sleep seems to be both an enemy and a friend to a narcissist. It’s their best friend when they’re sleeping. But when you’re asleep, it’s their bitter rival.

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FAQs

Why wont a narcissist let you sleep? ›

Narcissists can keep a neurotic awake, because the fear, hurt and/or anger (and guilt and anxiety because of it) a neurotic feels at being cared so little about can play over and over in their mind, making it difficult to fall asleep.

What does a narcissist do in bed? ›

People with traits of sexual narcissism typically have an inflated idea of their sexual skills and bedroom performance and focus primarily on what they want. They also tend to lack interest in cultivating emotional intimacy and show little interest in what their partners might want.

What is narcissistic hibernation? ›

These are demanding tasks. They are often very tiring. Exhaustion plays a major role in the mini-cycles. His energy depleted, his creativity at its end, his resources stretched to the maximum, the narcissist reposes, "plays dead", withdraws from life. This is the phase of "narcissistic hibernation".

How narcissists act in bed might surprise you? ›

In bed, the narcissist may have very explicit ideas about what their partner should do or even say. They want the narrative to play out in a certain way, and they don't have patience for changes to the script. This has to do with their lack of empathy.

What makes a narcissist panic? ›

A narcissist trains themselves to become so confident in their self-importance that it can be difficult for other people to challenge them. However, when you learn to challenge their view of the world in the right way, this is what makes them panic.

How does a narcissist treat his woman? ›

Narcissists abhor and dread getting emotionally intimate. The cerebral ones regard sex as a maintenance chore, something they have to do in order to keep their Source of Secondary Supply. The somatic narcissist treats women as objects and sex as a means to obtaining Narcissistic Supply.

Who does a narcissist marry? ›

A narcissist marries someone who would be a good source of long term narcissistic supply for them. They find a potential partner in someone who is weaker, less intelligent or underconfident.

Do narcissists get bored with long term partners? ›

Long-term relationships are boring to narcissists. They are drawn by the chase and may idealize the partners they can't have. They may appear to be charming, generous, and caring at first. But when they have you, they begin to get bored and to look for your faults.

What does narcissistic collapse feel like? ›

Narcissistic collapse happens when someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can no longer uphold their grandiose, confident image. When this occurs, they feel profoundly threatened. As a result, they tend to become enraged, resulting in impulsive behavior, intense lashing out, or hurting other people.

What happens to a narcissist in the end? ›

At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.

What does a narcissistic breakdown look like? ›

During a narcissistic collapse, the narcissistic defenses that keep them confident are no longer working. In a narcissistic collapse, they feel extremely anxious, depressed, ashamed, and may be unable to keep functioning.

How do you know if a narcissist is cheating? ›

Avoiding a conversation about their cagey behavior

Confronting a narcissist about lies, cheating, and their cagey behavior only makes them behave shadier. They rarely want to talk things out because they aren't likely to admit they're seeing someone else, which is one of the important signs of a cheating narcissist.

What kind of woman do narcissists like? ›

In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.

Do narcissists like to cuddle? ›

Cuddling boosts their ego and makes them feel good

Yes, narcissists love to cuddle, but it's always about them. They enjoy being showered with love because it boosts their ego. Receiving affection from their partner makes narcissists feel that they are perfect in every way.

What scares the narcissist the most? ›

Narcissists are terrified of being alone, and their greatest fear is abandonment. Setting clear boundaries or not reacting to their chaotic manipulation will cause them to become afraid of losing you even though they may never admit it.

How do you scare a narcissist away? ›

17 Ways to Make a Narcissist Really Afraid of You
  1. Don't give them your attention. These attention-seekers will do anything to be noticed. ...
  2. Starve them of empathy. ...
  3. Ignore them. ...
  4. Set and enforce boundaries. ...
  5. Say no. ...
  6. Challenge them. ...
  7. Implement consequences. ...
  8. Block, delete, bye!
13 Jul 2022

What makes a narcissist happy? ›

For a narcissist to be happy, you'll always have to accept their version of events as the truth. Otherwise, you'll be on the receiving end of their narcissistic rage. Even if you do everything they ask, a narcissist will still try and undermine you at every opportunity.

How do narcissists feel when you move on? ›

They're utterly delusional in believing that you couldn't possibly want to be with anyone else because there is no one better than them. Because you've moved on to someone new, your new partner serves as a constant reminder that they were not good enough for you, so they'll launch an attack against them.

How do you tell if a narcissist is using you? ›

30 Signs that a narcissist is finished with you
  1. The narcissist no longer hides their true colors. ...
  2. You feel the change. ...
  3. The narcissist will no longer give you love bombs. ...
  4. They are constantly irritated with you. ...
  5. The narcissist ignores everything you say. ...
  6. They criticize you. ...
  7. They are always distant. ...
  8. A narcissist will gaslight you.
28 Mar 2022

What are narcissists like in old age? ›

An excessive interest in oneself, often accompanied by grandiose views of one's abilities, a lack of empathy for others, and an excessive need for admiration.

What are the red flags of a narcissist? ›

Self-importance

Having manipulative tendencies. Engaging in a whirlwind romance. Lacking compassion or a severe lack of empathy for others. Love bombing.

Does narcissism worsen with age? ›

Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.

How do narcissists treat their spouse? ›

Narcissists view partners as trophies under their power and may expect partners to show deference and adoring behavior throughout the relationship. Manipulation of a partner is emotional abuse, and narcissists resort to some pretty low behaviors if they feel that they are losing their hold on a partner.

Does ignoring a narcissist hurt them? ›

If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They'll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.

What does a narcissist crave? ›

They crave the limelight and the perks of success more than they need healthy relationships, intimacy, or love. The tragic aspect of narcissism is that they depend totally on other people to nurture their sense of self, yet they are devoid of any ability to give back to others in any way that has meaning.

What is the average length of a relationship with a narcissist? ›

According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, many narcissists can only sustain a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most). Keep in mind, though, we're talking about one four-stage cycle. Too often, a narcissist will initiate the cycle again, training their target to expect them to come back.

Who is the best partner for a narcissist? ›

Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures. Anyone who will reflect well on them in the eyes of other people. Someone who validates their feelings, overlooks their flaws, and who isn't likely to leave them during the narcissistic abuse.

Do narcissists change with a new partner? ›

According to psychologists, therapists and neuroscientists, narcissists can never change.

What happens to an aging narcissist? ›

According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.

What does narcissistic rage look like? ›

Examples of narcissistic rage range from intense outbursts and sudden fits of anger, to passive-aggressive acts such as simmering resentment, icy silence, deliberate neglect, or cutting sarcasm.

How long does narcissistic rage last? ›

In a survey we conducted among 400 survivors of narcissistic abuse, we found that the average duration of a single narcissistic rage episode is three hours. We also found that the average duration of narcissistic rage from a narcissist who was experiencing multiple episodes is five-and-a-half days.

Do narcissists usually end up alone? ›

Loneliness and Isolation – Due to the first three factors described above, most narcissists have few, if any healthy, close and lasting relationships. Some higher-functioning narcissists achieve external success in life – at the expense of others – and find themselves lonely at the top.

How do narcissist usually end up? ›

Narcissists typically end their relationships once they get bored with a partner. They're much more concerned with the chase and later the conquest that comes with controlling a partner.

Do narcissists regret losing you? ›

Do narcissists regret discarding or losing someone? It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.

Does the narcissist ever suffer? ›

Narcissistic Vulnerability

Despite having seemingly strong personalities, narcissists are actually very vulnerable. Psychotherapists consider them to be “fragile.” They suffer from profound alienation, emptiness, powerlessness, and lack of meaning.

What is a deflated narcissist? ›

The “deflated” narcissist debases the self and inflates or idealizes “the object in order to reacquire it ... It can include, for example, atonement, aggrandizement of the other, self-punishment, and self-flagellation ...

Why do narcissists try to destroy you? ›

They want to see how much they can destroy you

Rather, they just don't want to see other people happy. They don't want to put the work into maintaining everything themselves, which is why they don't stick around once they've destroyed their target's life.

How do you get a narcissist to confess? ›

7 Effective Ways To Make A Narcissist Tell The Truth
  1. Start with What You Know is True.
  2. Present the Narcissist with Evidence.
  3. Be Honest Yourself.
  4. Pay Attention to Their Agenda.
  5. Distinguish Their Words from Their Actions.
  6. Don't Let Half-Truths Distract You.
  7. Be Wary of False Apologies.
18 Aug 2021

Can a narcissist be happily married? ›

The truth is that it is very difficult to be happily married to a narcissist. It's not impossible, but to be happy, it's likely you will have to make the majority of the sacrifices and ignore a lot of bad behavior. Without therapy, most narcissists won't change, so it will be all up to you.

What traits attract a narcissist? ›

Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist:
  • Intelligence.
  • Being empathetic and compassionate.
  • Having humanitarian interests.
  • Showing heart.
  • Able to express empathy and compassion.
  • High moral compass.
  • Sincerity, warm-heartedness and inner beauty.
  • Being genuinely concerned about the wellbeing of others.
23 Aug 2021

Why do Empaths love narcissists? ›

Empaths are "emotional sponges," who can absorb feelings from other people very easily. This makes them them very attractive to narcissists, because they see someone who will fulfill their every need in a selfless way.

What traits do narcissists look for? ›

Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.

How does a narcissist show love? ›

A narcissist will shower you with affection in order to get you on side. They aim to disarm and distract you from their flaws and from the reality that the relationship will be constructed around getting their needs met, rather than real affection. Narcissism is a thorny issue in romantic relationships.

Do narcissists like physical touch? ›

Malignant Narcissist

As a part of their extreme control, they may use cuddling and touching as a way of showing their partner who's boss. They typically don't enjoy cuddling or touching because that's just way too vulnerable for them. A malignant narcissist may be physically and sexually abusive.

Do narcissists have weird eating habits? ›

Narcissist weird eating habits

Covert narcissists often have strange eating habits that may have you scratching your head in confusion. Maybe they are an extremely picky eater and use this to control which restaurants you eat at. They may use their preferences to try and police what you eat and when.

What happens to an aging narcissist? ›

According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.

How do you know if a narcissist is cheating? ›

Avoiding a conversation about their cagey behavior

Confronting a narcissist about lies, cheating, and their cagey behavior only makes them behave shadier. They rarely want to talk things out because they aren't likely to admit they're seeing someone else, which is one of the important signs of a cheating narcissist.

What to do when your partner wakes you up at night? ›

A Sleep Expert Reveals 6 Hacks For Dealing With A Partner Who Wakes You Up At Night
  1. Get A Bigger Bed. Ashley Batz for Bustle. ...
  2. Get A Different Kind Of Mattress. Ashley Batz for Bustle. ...
  3. Get A White Noise Machine. Ashley Batz for Bustle. ...
  4. Use Noise-Cancelling Headphones. Ashley Batz for Bustle. ...
  5. See A Doctor. ...
  6. Sleep Separately.
6 Apr 2019

Do narcissists have weird eating habits? ›

Narcissist weird eating habits

Covert narcissists often have strange eating habits that may have you scratching your head in confusion. Maybe they are an extremely picky eater and use this to control which restaurants you eat at. They may use their preferences to try and police what you eat and when.

What is the emotional age of a narcissist? ›

According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others.

Why do narcissists get worse as they age? ›

There are three reasons why narcissists get worse as they get older. First, the way they accumulate narcissistic supply worsens. Second, as they get older, their superficial identity disintegrates. Third, they experience more narcissistic injuries as they age because they're less independent.

How do narcissists treat their siblings? ›

Siblings As Narcissistic Supply

As such, your sibling may go to great lengths to assert their superiority over you and damage your sense of self to fortify their own; you may be subjected to verbal abuse, belittling, ridicule, and humiliation, both public and private.

How do you tell if a narcissist is using you? ›

30 Signs that a narcissist is finished with you
  1. The narcissist no longer hides their true colors. ...
  2. You feel the change. ...
  3. The narcissist will no longer give you love bombs. ...
  4. They are constantly irritated with you. ...
  5. The narcissist ignores everything you say. ...
  6. They criticize you. ...
  7. They are always distant. ...
  8. A narcissist will gaslight you.
28 Mar 2022

Who does a narcissist marry? ›

A narcissist marries someone who would be a good source of long term narcissistic supply for them. They find a potential partner in someone who is weaker, less intelligent or underconfident.

Do narcissists worsen with age? ›

Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.

What is sleep divorce? ›

A sleep divorce occurs when you or your partner suffer from snoring or sleep apnea and think the only solution is for you to sleep in separate rooms. Now, not all sleep divorces are created equal.

Why is sleeping next to someone so intimate? ›

It's All about the “Cuddle Chemical.”

Levels of oxytocin rise when we make physical contact with another human being. So when you hop into bed and spoon with your honey or take it to the next level of intimacy, the chemical is released and you feel calm and protected.

What does it mean when a man sleeps with his back to you? ›

This is often common in new relationships and suggests that both partners are relaxed and comfortable with one another. For avid spooners, this sleeping position comes in third place and means that one partner is more protective over the other.

What are narcissists like with money? ›

They are punitive with money. Narcissists often use money as a tool for punishment. They may reward you financially when you do what they want, and then withhold money when they feel vindictive. This can feel unsafe, degrading and confusing.

What are the red flags of a narcissist? ›

Self-importance

Having manipulative tendencies. Engaging in a whirlwind romance. Lacking compassion or a severe lack of empathy for others. Love bombing.

Why do narcissists walk ahead of you? ›

Narcissists love being chased as it makes them feel special and important, so they'll fabricate that situation over and over again by constantly walking ahead of you. Without having to say a word, they'll make you feel guilty for stopping to look at something or talking to someone.

Videos

1. Is Your Boss Narcissistic? [Signs of Narcissism at Work]
(MedCircle)
2. Narcissistic Abuse through Sleep Deprivation #shorts
(Empress of Light)
3. Narcissists will use sleep deprivation as a weapon #manipulation #narcissism
(The Matt Phifer Experience)
4. Sleep deprivation is a tactic employed by narcissist and toxic people alike
(Mental Healness)
5. Narcissism and Physical Abuse (Narcissistic Abuse)
(Dr. Todd Grande)
6. The psychology of narcissism - W. Keith Campbell
(TED-Ed)

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