Open Letter Concerning My Abusive Ex-Boyfriend (2022)

This is not what this blog is for, but I need to put this out there, and he got me banned from Facebook for simply describing my abuse and naming my abuser. So pardon the interruption...

I used to really believe that William was just in total denial about the fact that he has a problem and needs help. But he has just made it clear that he is in fact SO SHADY that he would go out and just replace me with another beautiful, much younger woman with a kid, only one who doesn't know what he does...

...so that he can do it all over again. Because that's what narcissistic abusers DO.

So, I'm going to be so loud now about what he is really like that when he INEVITABLY does the same thing to her, at least people are going to BELIEVE her... the way that they did not believe me because William Murray had already spent the previous couple of years lying about me behind my back, to everyone who would listen, to paint me as an unreasonable, psycho girlfriend who Just Couldn't Be Pleased By Anything He Did. (Yes, this is a fact: I saw some of these conversations IN WRITING. Unlike William, I will not say anything that is not a fact.)

First let's get the most obvious thing out of the way:

William Murray should not be living with a minor.

This is the man who threw my ADHD six-year-old son's backpack AT him because, as an ADHD six-year-old, he had "embarrassed him in public."

... The man who called my son a "WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT" TO me, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SON.

... the man who agreed to watch my child so I could go to the doctor, and then while I was out, sent me multiple voicemails that were minutes long that were just the sound of my 5- or 6-year-old son, hysterically crying and screaming.

... who shouted "STUPID JEW!" at a Hasidic man crossing the street, and when I told him that was unacceptable, instead shouted at me, "OH, I'M SORRY, STUPID *FUCKING* JEW!" with my small son in the back seat of the car!

... who loudly said, "Isn't that the name of one of the girls in his class?" followed by something like, "Otezla, sit down now!" again IN FRONT OF MY CHILD every time a prescription drug commercial came on tv that had a weird name (all of the girls in my son's class were black.)

When I took him aside out of my son's earshot and told him that was racist, not funny, and not to say things like that in front of my kid, he didn't speak to me for days. YES, DAYS.

... and, this is the man who told me that Carly had a teenage trans child, while referring to said child alternately as a son or daughter, and when I asked him to clarify for me whether she had a trans son or a trans daughter, his response was, AND I QUOTE, "Oh, son, daughter, whatever IT thinks IT is."

I seriously wish I were making this up. He said extremely similar things about a trans model he was shooting, right after they had left.

And the black family who were on Section 8, and who stayed in our old building after he took a shamefully small buyout from our criminal landlords and gave me no choice of whether or not to move into an apartment twice as expensive? When I told William that I saw them and they said we should have stayed, everything turned out great and we would STILL be paying $1400 a month, William said, and I quote, they were "just too lazy to work." ...um, they had jobs.

(Video) finally opening up about my abusive relationship pt.1

Whenever I told him that any of these things was unacceptable, I was told I "make a big deal out of every little thing," "need to grow a fucking skin" and I was given the silent treatment, for days or even weeks, to hurt me. The silent treatment started before I'd been living with him for a month.

I deserved to know about these things before moving in with him with my kid. She deserved to know these things before packing up her life and moving in with him across the country with her kid, and she still deserves to know them before he does everything to them that he did to us.

William's unwritten, unspoken rules of being in a relationship with him are abusive and would kill a relationship with ANYONE:

There is NO DISCUSSION ALLOWED in a relationship with him. Ever, of anything. He is absolutely convinced that any kind of a discussion is a confrontation and all confrontations are BAD. He is totally incapable or unwilling to discuss anything more in-depth than small talk, current events, movies, or anything you both agree on 100%. If I tried to talk to him about ANY of the normal things that you might need to talk to your boyfriend about, he would avoid the subject and simply do everything in his power to make me as angry as possible as quickly as possible. Insult my ex-husband, insult my family, insult my son, mock me for having depression and ADHD and for going to doctors and taking medications...just say NASTY, cruel things to me for no reason whatsoever, to try to get me upset and therefore end the conversation as soon as possible, by any means necessary.

I told him that no relationship could survive the complete refusal to ever talk about anything, ever. He acted like he recognized that fact. Then did the same thing over and over.

In 6+ years of being with him, I was never ONCE comforted. In any way. Is a hug, a pat on the head, an "It's going to be okay, I'm here for you" from your boyfriend at some point in over SIX YEARS too much to ask? Well, it was. It did not matter if I was in pain, overwhelmed, getting too much shit from my son's dad or if William himself had done something to make me cry. I would ONLY get so much as a hug if I was in a great mood. I would only be spoken to if I was in a great mood. If I was the slightest bit upset about anything at all, he WOULD NOT EVEN SPEAK TO ME. It was as if I was a ghost, trying to speak to the living and they didn't hear me at all. He pretended he didn't even hear me.

I told him that no relationship could survive a partner who will only deal with the other person at all when they are in a great mood and would actively do things to hurt them if they were already upset. He acted like he recognized that fact. Then did the same thing over and over.

He is an abusive man with expectations from relationships and other people that are unrealistic and unhealthy. I was not unreasonable. I bent myself around backwards first to fit into his world and accept him for who he is, then to let him know that I accept him for who he is, but that some of his behavior was very hurtful and inappropriate, then to make myself into some kind of unofficial junior psychologist trying to figure out how I could approach him, how I could word what I needed to say, how I could simply get my basic needs met.

He convinced me to move in with him with promises of help raising my son, lowered expenses, stability in general. It was an absolute bait and switch. He promised to put me on the lease, and he never even tried to. Then he decided to move into a frivolously expensive apartment less than a year later and gave me NO SAY in my housing situation, he gave me NO SAY in choosing the new apartment, then followed that with a nonstop spending spree that saw the $85,000 the landlords gave him to sell out our future totally gone, spent, in less than two years, and he then spent the following years introducing every kind of instability into our lives.

When I finally decided that his abusive behavior was not going to stop, and that I had to leave, he "let me" have $10,000 of the $85k that he had received in exchange for making it so that I would not be able to find an apartment I, or even we, could possibly afford, ever again.

He then went behind my back and made it out to others as if I had decided to leave him because he just "wasn't good enough" for him and that he was giving me this sum of money to go on with my new life without him, out of the kindness of his heart. In reality, what he had done by taking us out of our original apartment cost me many times that amount of money over again, and will cost me more and more into the future.

He consistently blamed me for his actions, even literally turning the actual sequence of events around backwards to try to rationalize his actions and blame my reaction to his action for causing the action itself. When confronted with the obvious fact that nothing had taken place in that order, so it was impossible that I had caused his actions, his response was, "It doesn't matter."

Yes, it does matter, because that is what narcissistic abusers DO.

He would take things that HE said about ME and tell other people that I SAID THEM ABOUT HIM. He did this right in front of me! And when I said, "Those were YOUR words, YOU said that, not me." and recounted the entire exchange exactly as it happened, he waved his hand at me and said it didn't "make a difference" and he "wasn't asking for my review."

Within a year of my moving in with him, he was online late at night getting sympathy from other hot goth girls much younger than him by lying to them about me and about what he'd done, WHILE TRYING TO SHAME ME FOR TALKING TO MY OWN MOTHER ABOUT THE PROBLEMS I WAS HAVING.

Yes, he tried to make me feel as though I was the crazy, unreasonable one, then went telling scene acquaintances really detailed, long diatribes about our "problems" that were unfortunately only about 10% true and 90% utterly fabricated from nowhere... and then tried to isolate me so he could more successfully make me feel like *I* was the one fucking everything up... by telling me I shouldn't be talking to my own mom about it.

(Video) Reese Witherspoon on the Abusive Relationship That Changed Her | SuperSoul Sunday | OWN

If that sounds familiar, it's because that's WHAT NARCISSISTIC ABUSERS DO.

He assigned malicious intentions to everything I did or said from the START, and just would not let go. I tried everything to reassure him, to let him know he was my dream man, to let him know that everything was from a place of love.

I ended up literally asking him if he would take just ONE to TWO nights a week and not go straight back to work after dinner, staying at his computer until well after I was asleep = he told me I OBVIOUSLY DID NOT RESPECT HIS WORK.

I told him he'd clearly been blessed with good genes, but that he WAS still pushing sixty, sat at a desk in the dark most of the day, didn't eat healthfully and had high blood pressure, so I worried about him and wanted him to come to the gym and exercise just to keep him the epitome of sexiness that I thought he was. I paid for a gym membership for him. = he told me he obviously just wasn't up to my "standards".

I ended up spelling out exactly what he was doing that whether he realized it or not was doing harm to my son and me, and I needed to ask him to stop, that I wanted to be with him forever and ever but I couldn't if he was going to say and do things that created and unstable, threatening environment for me and that literally made my health problems worse = he told me I just didn't love him.

...and then didn't speak to me or acknowledge my presence for days, maybe a week.

I asked him not to TEXT and FACEBOOK on his phone WHILE driving my car, WITH my son in it, and I offered to write out whatever he needed to say, and if not, could it wait ten minutes until we get there? He became angry and then he didn't speak to me or acknowledge my presence for pretty much the rest of the day.

Same for asking him not to aggressively drive dangerously close to pedestrians as they were crossing in the crosswalk. In MY CAR.

I was told I could just fucking drive, myself, then.

He would do things to help me, of course! But ALWAYS on the condition that I be made to feel guilty about it. Every time.

He would throw money - the landlords' money, that was supposed to be our rent for years to come - at anything, for me, rather than listen to me, talk to me, or make any attempt to actually not do things that objectively, materially made the situation worse. Before he got money from the landlords, he didn't throw money at me because a lot of the time I was paying his rent for him so he could keep his apartment (before I even moved in there with him.)

But, as soon as he was offered a huge sum of money to trade in our future, I was suddenly supposed to shut up and accept his authority to make huge financial decisions that would affect us both - no, all THREE of us, permanently.

I was told that by telling him his behavior was abusive, I was the one abusing him.

I was told that I was THE crazy one, the one with all of the problems, and the one causing all the problems, and that there was nothing wrong with him, simply because he mocked the psychiatric profession and refused to seek any kind of treatment himself.

He went around telling people that I was "making him out to seem like some kind of precedent-setting mental case on a bad self help channel." Yes, that's a quote. I saw it IN WRITING. He didn't tell them that I had calmly explained why his behavior was hurtful, where it would lead and how, as someone with my own psychiatric diagnoses, it was clear to me that he had very similar issues to my own and it was important to me for him to get proper treatment.

...you know, the conversation you have with a loved one who has revealed serious, possibly neurological issues that you can see interfering with their life and yours, and you desperately do not want to lose that person?

(Video) a letter to my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend

He lies about things there is just no reason to lie about. Over and over. While you're standing there with the proof. Then he just sits there and looks at you until it becomes really, really uncomfortable.

He always told me it was clearly me who did not want him near me, when I would tell him how much the days-long silent treatment and the pointless, irrelevant nasty remarks hurt me and ask him why he would do it when he sees how much he's hurting me. He told me obviously I didn't want him around, so he stays away from me, right after I asked him why he would never come to bed anymore, would not even hug me, with tears in my eyes.

He did the exact same things over and over again, and actually expected me to believe each and every different excuse he came up with every time for why he did it.

He cut me off when I was speaking and talked over me, almost constantly. When I simply asked him to not do that to me, I was told it was just "the art of conversation."

He would carelessly (or not?) break my belongings and get angry at me for being upset or even mentioning it. Normal people move sunglasses, a hat or a piece or artwork that are on a chair they'd like to sit in or on a table they'd like to put something heavy down on... William Murray simply crushed, broke or tore the object, and then said, "Well, why was it there?" Again and again and again.

If I accidentally started to say something that I'd said to him before, even just in casual conversation, several times he cut me right off, shouting "YEAH YEAH YEAH OKAY OKAY."

I am an insomniac. It affects my health and my ability to function normally during the day. I also needed to get up at 6:30 each day to get my son to school. William would not let me sleep. He would choose his times to work or do noisy tasks around the house to be while I was trying to sleep, rather than during the day. When I tried to speak to him about this, he literally said, "You can't sleep anyway, so it's fine."

He literally TOLD me, yes in so many words, that because I suffer from Depression, he could do things to make me sad, it didn't make a difference because I was already depressed, so it was just fine for him to do and say upsetting things to me. He fucking ACTUALLY SAID THIS. There was no misunderstanding.

When I finally became so upset that I wanted to do myself harm, he took my phone, called my mother and as soon as she picked up he said, "COME GET YOUR DAUGHTER BEFORE SHE KILLS HERSELF."

"The narcissist surrounds himself with people who will tell him what he wants to hear, reassure him of what he wants to believe and wants others to believe, and not call out his own actions or question his story."

Once you aren't just one of those people, and/or don't have anything he needs, he just throws you out. Cuts off love, affection, even acknowledgement of your presence. He ghosted out of the relationship while I was living with him. He discards you.

William popped back into my life several times after I finally had to rip my heart out and leave him. And, I freely admit that I called him desperately back into my life for an emergency, for which he came through. But the rest of the time it was either that he needed something from me or that he was apparently lonely (because during all the years I lived with him it was clear to me that I was the only person who he saw and spoke to really regularly, he had no close friends or family of any sort that he saw more than a couple of times a year. By the time I left, he wasn't visiting anyone nor was anyone coming over to see him. He was always just working.) and said he missed us so much. But every time, whether we had a happy week or a happy month, the abusive behaviors would start right back up. I would say, I love seeing you again, I miss you so much, I want you in my life, but if we don't address the issues, the same exact thing will happen. I need to see you really do something differently than before, and you have to be willing to talk to me without attacking me. This can't last if you're still not going to talk with me, about anything.

And then WHAM, the lying, the gaslighting, the making promises and then when asked to make an effort towards keeping them, rationalizing why he didn't need to do that anyway, more gaslighting.

I could keep writing all night long without repeating myself, I have barely scratched the surface of the many things that were done and said that made me feel like it was a horrible nightmare where your most loved and trusted person becomes someone else overnight, someone who doesn't love or care about you, someone you don't even recognize. There's more, believe it or not, so MUCH MORE. He withheld all love and affection at will as punishment; tried to keep me off balance, guessing, at all times; acted out of touch with reality, lied; used money in place of sincerity; tried to use unspoken threats of what he will or won’t do if I said anything he didn’t like, to control my behavior. But this has been long enough and I feel like it gives at least a bit of a picture of what I dealt with starting within weeks of moving in with William, first in very small ways and then doubling and doubling down the more I tried everything I could think of to just have a human relationship with this man that met both of our basic needs.

I made art and had plans for the future too, before I'd lived with him for a while.

My stomach worked before I'd lived with him.

(Video) Talking about my Abusive Ex Boyfriend

I didn't have daily panic attacks, before I lived with him.

I had never been suicidal before I lived with him.

I did not bring these things to the relationship in my own baggage.

Do I wish I was still with him? Every single day of my life, I wish that he hadn't made it totally impossible for me to stay with him.

Am I jealous? Hell NO, I am not jealous of what she will be dealing with pretty soon. You can not ask a sane person to believe that this person has rehabilitated himself and is no longer an abusive boyfriend, when as of this past June he still insisted that he had absolutely no problems whatsoever, the whole mental health field was a fraud that I had been stupid enough to subscribe to, and that he didn't have to change anything he did.

Do I want him back? Every single day of my life, I want him back, but I can never have my William back, because my William doesn't exist and probably never did in the first place. It was all a show which you, Carly, are currently being treated to. I don't recommend sticking around for act 2.

Back then, Carly, when you left from hanging out with us that one day, he talked some shit about you that I thought was utterly crass, that I now know is probably a lot like the shit he's talked about me to you... definitely to others. He made a comment about your child that I have already covered and don't wish to repeat. You'll notice these nasty comments about other people that seem so out-of-character for him, and if you're anything like me, you'll eventually start to worry about whether he talks like that about you to other people.

The answer is always: YES, HE DOES.

I had to hear it all, the racist shit he would spew even while editing a rap video, I had to sit there and smile while meeting with some Hasidic Cantors he was making a video for, after listening to him say, "Stupid fucking Jew" and "Shmuley." I wrestled for a long time with whether it would be right to expose him to his clients as an abuser, a racist, and antisemitic, and that choice was only made today, October 15, 2018. But apparently asking him not to subject my small child to it was a step too far, for him.

I was someone who once said things like, "It's not like he hits her or anything, but..." and, "Why doesn't she just leave?!" Well, I now know how it becomes so difficult to leave and for how many reasons, and how they rely on that and contribute to that; I now know about the physical damage that emotional abuse inflicts on your body and how even the lasting effects of it on you psychologically limit your options in life and all of this combined can be far worse than many physical injuries.

I didn't want to know about these things, I wanted to have a happy life with the magical man I adored and keep calling each other "Greatest Love Of My Life", but William Murray, through conscious choices, made me someone who knows these things, now.

Everything he did indicated his priorities clearly. He is a snake in the grass who will tear you down, not build you up, then imply there's something wrong with you for feeling torn down.

Here was the last text I sent him, last June, after the gaslighting and crazy-making had started popping up through the 'I-Love-You-I-Miss-You-Can-We-Live-Together-Again's.

I never heard from him again.

FAQs

What's an example of emotional abuse? ›

humiliating or constantly criticising a child. threatening, shouting at a child or calling them names. making the child the subject of jokes, or using sarcasm to hurt a child. blaming and scapegoating.

What does emotional abuse do to someone? ›

Emotional and psychological abuse can have severe short- and long-term effects. This type of abuse can affect both your physical and your mental health. You may experience feelings of confusion, anxiety, shame, guilt, frequent crying, over-compliance, powerlessness, and more.

Can emotional abuse make you mean? ›

In some cases, emotional abuse may lead to post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A person who survives emotional abuse may not develop PTSD, but if they do, they may experience symptoms such as: negative thoughts. angry outbursts.

What to say to someone who has an abusive father? ›

Here are some ways to help a loved one who is being abused:
  • Set up a time to talk. ...
  • Let her know you're concerned about her safety. ...
  • Be supportive. ...
  • Offer specific help. ...
  • Don't place shame, blame, or guilt on her. ...
  • Help her make a safety plan. ...
  • Encourage her to talk to someone who can help.
15 Feb 2021

What are the 5 signs of emotional abuse? ›

5 Signs of Emotional Abuse
  • They are Hyper-Critical or Judgmental Towards You. ...
  • They Ignore Boundaries or Invade Your Privacy. ...
  • They are Possessive and/or Controlling. ...
  • They are Manipulative. ...
  • They Often Dismiss You and Your Feelings.
23 May 2017

What are the symptoms of narcissistic abuse? ›

With that in mind, here are 12 signs that might suggest you've experienced narcissistic abuse.
  • They seem so perfect — at first. ...
  • People doubt the abuse took place. ...
  • They've started a smear campaign. ...
  • You feel isolated. ...
  • You freeze up. ...
  • You have trouble making decisions. ...
  • You always feel like you've done something wrong.

What mental illnesses are caused by abuse? ›

Experiencing abuse or other trauma puts people at risk of developing mental health conditions, such as:
  • Anxiety disorders.
  • Depression.
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder.
  • Misusing alcohol or drugs.
  • Borderline personality disorder.
16 Feb 2021

Can you get PTSD from emotional abuse? ›

Emotional abuse can lead to C-PTSD, a type of PTSD that involves ongoing trauma. C-PTSD shows many of the same symptoms as PTSD, although its symptoms and causes can differ. Treatment should be tailored to the situation to address the ongoing trauma the person experienced from emotional abuse.

How does emotional abuse affect a woman? ›

Staying in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship can have long-lasting effects on your physical and mental health, including leading to chronic pain, depression, or anxiety. Read more about the effects on your health. You may also: Question your memory of events: “Did that really happen?” (See Gaslighting.)

What does abuse do to the brain? ›

Researchers focus on the changes that take place in the brain as a result of abuse as well. Sadly, adults who experienced severe abuse as children show critically impaired neural connections in the brain. Parts of the brain associated with the regulation of attention, emotion, and other cognitive processes suffer.

How does narcissistic abuse affect the brain? ›

As a narcissistic abuse survivor, you will likely have symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Your brain will be on high alert, looking out for danger. This is because the traumatic events triggered a fight or flight response within you. As a result, anything associated with those memories can trigger an anxiety attack.

What does verbal abuse do to the brain? ›

Verbal aggression alone turns out to be a particularly strong risk factor for depression, anger-hostility, and dissociation disorders. The latter involve cutting off a particular mental function from the rest of the mind. In one type of dissociation, the person can't recall part of his or her personal history.

How do you tell if someone is lying about being abused? ›

Some common signs include: The person does not answer a question right away, but pauses or delays their answer as they try to think about what to say. The person looks away and will not make eye contact. The person instinctively touches their mouth while speaking.

How can you tell if someone was abused in the past? ›

Victims of abuse may display the following warning signs:
  1. Acting differently than they normally do.
  2. Exhibiting increased aggressive behavior.
  3. Being jumpier or more on guard.
  4. Having difficulty with sleep or having nightmares.
  5. Withdrawing and not wanting to be around other people.
  6. Losing interest in activities they once liked.

How do you respond to cruelty? ›

How to respond to abuse
  1. “I believe you”
  2. “I am so sorry this happened to you”
  3. “I can really see how painful it is”
  4. “What happened to you is very serious”
  5. “I am so proud of you for speaking up. ...
  6. “You are so good and have such a pure neshama. ...
  7. “I will do everything I can to make sure you are safe”
  8. “I am glad you spoke up.

What is gaslighting emotional abuse? ›

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a person or group causes someone to question their own sanity, memories, or perception of reality. People who experience gaslighting may feel confused, anxious, or as though they cannot trust themselves.

What are the long term effects of emotional abuse? ›

Long-term effects of emotional abuse may include but aren't limited to PTSD, depression, anxiety, chronic pain, feelings of guilt and shame, and trouble trusting others or entering new relationships.

What is psychological violence? ›

In the private sphere, psychological violence includes threatening conduct which lacks physical violence or verbal elements, for example, actions that refer to former acts of violence, or purposeful ignorance and neglect of another person.

How narcissist treat their exes? ›

Narcissists are well known for playing mind games because they help to reinforce their hold over their current or past victims. They'll resort to love bombing, self-esteem reduction, and emotional manipulation to keep their ex under the thumb.

What are the red flags of a narcissist? ›

Self-importance

Having manipulative tendencies. Engaging in a whirlwind romance. Lacking compassion or a severe lack of empathy for others. Love bombing.

How do you prove narcissistic abuse? ›

Common symptoms of a narcissistic personality disorder include:
  1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance.
  2. Sense of entitlement.
  3. Requires excessive, constant admiration.
  4. Exaggerates talents and achievements.
  5. Monopolize conversations.
  6. Looks down on people and belittles them.
  7. Takes advantage of others to get what they want.
16 Mar 2021

How do you know if you are traumatized? ›

Intrusive memories

Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event. Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks) Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event. Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event.

How does domestic violence affect a woman mentally? ›

These include post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts. One study shows that the likelihood of abused women experiencing PTSD is seven times higher than for those who have not been abused. The risk of abused women developing depression and anxiety is also high.

What is the most common psychological trauma? ›

Perhaps one of the most common forms of trauma is emotional abuse. This can be a common form of trauma because emotional abuse can take many different forms. Sometimes it's easy for emotional abuse to be hidden or unrecognized.

Can emotional abuse cause bipolar disorder? ›

When the researchers looked further, they found that only emotional abuse was associated with bipolar disorder. Regression analysis showed that children who were emotionally abused were more than twice as likely to develop bipolar disorder (odds ratio [OR], 2.14; 95% confidence interval [CI], 1.51 - 3.02).

What does emotional abuse trauma look like? ›

Emotional abuse can include screaming, belittling, gaslighting, manipulating, and any kind of constant pattern that another person uses to break down someone's self-esteem. Anderson notes that emotional abuse can also include neglect and a lack of love from others.

Can emotional abuse cause schizophrenia? ›

Epidemiological studies show that exposure to early stress in the form of abuse and neglect in childhood increases the risk to later develop schizophrenia (Bonoldi et al., 2013).

What are 5 effects of abuse? ›

mental health disorders such as anxiety, attachment, post-traumatic stress and depression disorders. self-harming or suicidal thoughts. learning disorders, including poor language and cognitive development. developmental delay, eating disorders and physical ailments.

What are the three types of psychological abuse? ›

Emotional abuse can take many forms. Three general patterns of abusive behavior include aggressing, denying, and minimizing.

Does emotional abuse get worse over time? ›

It tends to get worse over time, can turn physical at any moment – even years into the relationship – and, when coupled with progressively more controlling-isolating-coercive-threatening behavior, it can become a lethality risk.

Does emotional abuse need to be reported? ›

Suspected cases of emotional abuse that constitute willful cruelty or unjustifiable punishment of a child are required to be reported by mandated reporters.

Is emotional abuse worse than physical? ›

Emotional abuse, neglect may be more harmful long-term than physical, sexual abuse. Emotional abuse and neglect of children may have more harmful long-term negative effects than physical or sexual abuse, according to a 20-year study published by a team of researchers from Iowa, Australia, and Italy.

Can emotional abuse cause depression? ›

Long-term effects

Studies show that severe emotional abuse can be as powerful as physical abuse. Over time, both can contribute to low self-esteem and depression. You may also develop: anxiety.

What makes a narcissist panic? ›

A narcissist trains themselves to become so confident in their self-importance that it can be difficult for other people to challenge them. However, when you learn to challenge their view of the world in the right way, this is what makes them panic.

How does a narc react when you no longer care? ›

Since narcissists require almost constant admiration, validation and even blind obedience in some cases – when you don't give them attention, they'll often become quite brittle – reacting in a variety of negative ways including rage, petulance, insults, and may even try to undermine you in other sectors of your life ( ...

What is the punishment for verbal abuse? ›

The punishment provided in the code for committing the offence under this section is imprisonment for 2 years or fine, or may include both. It is a non-cognizable as well as a bailable offence, triable by any Magistrate.

What qualifies as verbal harassment? ›

Threatening you or your property, yelling, and using insulting or offensive language can all qualify as verbal harassment. In general, harassment refers to repeated behavior rather than a passing remark. Victims of verbal harassment can suffer from significant emotional distress and even develop mental health problems.

Why does verbal abuse hurt so much? ›

Being frequently yelled at changes how we think and feel about ourselves, even after we become adults and leave home. That's because the brain wires according to our experiences — we literally hear our parents' voices yelling at us in our heads, even when they are not there.

What are the 17 signs of lying? ›

Below, you'll find 34 signs of lying, as explained by experts and science.
  • They give way too much information. ...
  • They can't keep their story straight. ...
  • They put up a physical wall. ...
  • They're giving way too little information. ...
  • They're doing strange things with their eyes. ...
  • They're fake smiling. ...
  • They can't remember the details.
9 Feb 2018

What evidence should be collected in a domestic violence case? ›

Independent, corroborative evidence that can be used in such cases includes a 911-call recording; visible injuries photographed by a police officer or observed by a person other than the victim; physical evidence at the crime scene such as a weapon, broken furniture, victim's torn clothing, or a telephone ripped out of ...

Why do people lie about abuse? ›

Claiming the mantle of victimhood can be a way of getting the sympathy, acknowledgment or treatment from others they seek, she said. “They may feel that they have been abused by the system that they live in,” she said.

Is emotional abuse traumatic? ›

Emotional abuse is a type of trauma that can lead to significant consequences. PTSD is a psychiatric disorder that affects your thoughts, memory, emotions, and thinking.

What causes someone to be an abuser? ›

Some people witness it in their own families growing up; others learn it slowly from friends, popular culture, or structural inequities throughout our society. No matter where they develop such behaviors, those who commit abusive acts make a choice in doing so — they also could choose not to.

Is trauma bonding real? ›

If you have been in an abusive situation of any sort, you may have experienced trauma bonding. This is nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilt towards. It's a natural response to trauma, and there is help available for you.

How do you deal with someone who is cruel to you? ›

Read on for tips on how to respond to this type of behavior.
  1. Avoid playing into their reality. ...
  2. Don't get drawn in. ...
  3. Pay attention to how they make you feel. ...
  4. Talk to them about their behavior. ...
  5. Put yourself first. ...
  6. Offer compassion, but don't try to fix them. ...
  7. Say no (and walk away) ...
  8. Remember, you aren't at fault.
20 Nov 2019

How do you respond to abusive words? ›

3 Strategies for Responding to a Rude Person
  1. Give yourself some time to calm down and think. Think about some of the reasons people say rude things. ...
  2. Address the rude thing they said and how it made you feel. ...
  3. Create boundaries and consequences.
1 Oct 2020

Should cruelty be met with kindness? ›

For various reasons, some people go through life thinking they benefit from the damage other people suffer, and so it makes them happy to think about it and even cause it. The best way to respond to these people is to teach them a lesson in kindness.

What are at least 3 examples of mental abuse? ›

Other examples of mental abuse can range from bullying, withholding kind words, negging, passive-aggressive backhanded compliments, verbal abuse, and mental manipulation. When someone has realized they are a victim of mental abuse, some decide to stay, while others develop unhealthy methods to deal with the trauma.

What is Gaslighting emotional abuse? ›

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a person or group causes someone to question their own sanity, memories, or perception of reality. People who experience gaslighting may feel confused, anxious, or as though they cannot trust themselves.

What are some examples of Gaslighting? ›

Examples of Gaslighting in Relationships

If someone says, "You know I only do it because I love you," or, "Believe me, this is for the best," when doing something you perceive as abusive, controlling, or wrong, they are probably gaslighting you.

How does emotional abuse affect a woman? ›

Staying in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship can have long-lasting effects on your physical and mental health, including leading to chronic pain, depression, or anxiety. Read more about the effects on your health. You may also: Question your memory of events: “Did that really happen?” (See Gaslighting.)

What mental illness do abusers have? ›

The results of this research show that do- mestic abusers tend to obtain high points for some types of personality disorders, especially narcissistic, antisocial and bor- derline disorders. They also present symptoms of depressive disorders and consumption of drugs and alcohol.

What is psychological violence? ›

Any intentional conduct that seriously impairs another person's psychological integrity through coercion or threats. Statistical definition: Any act which causes psychological harm to an individual. Psychological violence can take the form of, for example, coercion, defamation, verbal insult or harassment.

What Gaslighting means? ›

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.

How do you destroy a gaslighter? ›

The best way to destroy a gaslighter is to appear emotionless. They enjoy getting a rise out of you, so it's frustrating to them when they don't get the reaction they expected. When they realize you don't care anymore, they will likely try convincing you they'll change, but don't fall for it.

What gaslighting sounds like? ›

It sounds like you feel strongly about that, and my emotions are valid too” “I feel like I'm not being heard, and I want some space” “I understand that this is what's best for me” or “I know what's best for me” “This is what I want and what I need right now”

What does a gaslighter want? ›

Gaslighting refers to intentional attempts to manipulate you into doubting your feelings, perception of events, and reality in general. Someone trying to gaslight you typically wants to confuse you and make you doubt yourself to make it more likely you'll go along with what they want.

Can you get PTSD from emotional abuse? ›

Emotional abuse can lead to C-PTSD, a type of PTSD that involves ongoing trauma. C-PTSD shows many of the same symptoms as PTSD, although its symptoms and causes can differ. Treatment should be tailored to the situation to address the ongoing trauma the person experienced from emotional abuse.

What does abuse do to the brain? ›

Researchers focus on the changes that take place in the brain as a result of abuse as well. Sadly, adults who experienced severe abuse as children show critically impaired neural connections in the brain. Parts of the brain associated with the regulation of attention, emotion, and other cognitive processes suffer.

How does narcissistic abuse affect the brain? ›

As a narcissistic abuse survivor, you will likely have symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Your brain will be on high alert, looking out for danger. This is because the traumatic events triggered a fight or flight response within you. As a result, anything associated with those memories can trigger an anxiety attack.

Videos

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4. Young Bae Faces Her Abusive Dad For The First Time | Black Ink Crew
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5. 6 Signs Of An Emotionally Abusive Relationship You Shouldnt Ignore | BetterHelp
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6. In Class with Carr, Ep. 134: Pastime/Gangsta Paradise, Kwame Alexander and "Why Is We Americans"?
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