People Want Us To Point Out Their Wrongdoings In Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories (2022)

“I’m (17M) a senior in high school and FTM transgender. For background, I’ve been going by a male name and pronouns at school and pretty much everywhere but home since I was 14, but I’m not out to my family. I have a plan at school that informs my teachers about my situation but prevents them from telling my family or anything.

I live in the US, but my parents were raised in India and because of the culture they grew up in and stuff, they can’t really fathom the idea of having a queer kid, though they’re fine with my friends being queer and stuff, and that’s not really something I can fault them for because that’s how they grew up.

On to my question: while filling out college housing information and figuring out stuff for next year, I’m realizing how difficult it’s gonna be to keep the same secrets that I have been for the last few years. It’s not impossible, and I could still do it, but the thought of doing it is making me unbelievably frustrated and I’m so exhausted with living this double life.

I want to just let my parents find out and screw the consequences for myself, but I feel so guilty about the consequences for my family.

This is the kind of thing that could permanently change my family forever. I know that a lot of my parents’ happiness comes from their kids and I know they could never be happy seeing me follow this path.

If I tell them this, they are never going to see me the same again. And it’s not just them, I have a little brother (13M) and he’d be in this house for five more years at least. My parents have given me so much freedom throughout high school and stuff, and if I come out, he is definitely not gonna get the same kind of freedom.

They’re also paying for my college expenses completely. I don’t think they would prevent me from going to college or anything, but that’s something I would be willing to accept. I just feel so selfish for putting what I want ahead of the needs of my family, and I know that’s the argument they’re gonna throw back in my face.

But I’m just so tired of all this and I genuinely can’t do this anymore.

WIBTJ for tearing my family apart?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for whatever you choose to do in this situation, but you need to make the choice that will prioritize your own safety.

Trans youth are at great risk, often because their own families are less than supportive.

So your first job, for the next few years until you are a self-supporting adult, is to keep yourself safe.

‘Safety’ involves many things. It includes having food and shelter and economic security, but also it includes a support network and good resources for your mental health.

You will eventually have to make a decision about coming out to your parents, and at your age, this can put your safety at risk in several ways.

So you need to know that it is perfectly okay if you decide to refrain from disclosing your gender identity to your parents until you graduate from university and can support yourself economically.

That is one way to help to keep yourself safe.

But it is also okay if you do decide to disclose your gender identity to your parents, ESPECIALLY if you think it will be too detrimental to your mental health to continue to hide from them. If you do decide to disclose, you need to put certain things in place first.

For example, ‘putting things in place’ will probably include identifying good universities that have solid and dependable, and up-to-date resources for trans students. These resources will include mental health support, peer groups for trans students, options to put your chosen name and gender id into your student record (AND for students to choose to refrain from sharing these things with their parents.

As you may know, there’s a law called FERPA that prevents universities from sharing student data with anyone not approved by that student).

You may also need to consider the possibility that your parents may decide they no longer wish to support you through university. So ‘putting things in place’ must include investigating how to become independent/emancipated from your parents in regard to filing for financial aid.

Guidance offices at high schools and financial aid offices at universities can often help with this. There is also solid advice available online via government websites.

Bottom line: it is not selfish to protect your own safety and mental health. As a matter of fact, it is your most important job.

In this case, the safety and mental health of your brother can best be ensured by taking care of your own first, in case you need to become a solid resource for him later. It’s like that announcement on airplanes: ‘In case of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks above your seat will deploy.

Please place YOUR OWN mask on first; only then will you be able to assist your child or other passengers.’

I am a queer university professor with many trans students. I wish you every success, no matter what you choose.” matthewsmugmanager

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you come out and they don’t accept you then it’s not you who’s ‘tearing the family apart’ it’s them.

It’s not selfish to want to be your true self around the people who are supposed to love and accept you unconditionally.

Your concerns are valid, but I think you have reason to be hopeful for a good ending to you coming out. The fact that you’re confident that they wouldn’t withdraw their financial support for you to go to college and the fact that they’re accepting of your LGBT friends is a good sign.

It might be a difficult thing for them to accept in the short term but it sounds like they might be able to come around to it in time.

You’re not doing anything bad by being the person you were always meant to be, even if that person isn’t the person your parents thought you were meant to be.” RebelScientist

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

(Video) My TOXIC Boss RUINS my Mental Health... so I RUIN HIS LIFE by Getting Him DEMOTED - Reddit Podcast

You wouldn’t be responsible for tearing your family apart (if you did come out), your parents would be.

I know you don’t want to fault them bc of how they were raised/culture etc. but they have the ability to change and grow just like everyone else, if they can accept your queer/trans friends they can accept you too.

Regardless, I think that you should make the decision that prioritizes your safety.

If you know you’ll need them for things like financial support and stability, you’ll have to work towards creating that for yourself first IMO. That way if your parents cut you off, you’ll still be okay.

There’s also nothing wrong with staying closeted until you can achieve that level of financial independence.

I understand how that can make you uncomfortable as if you’re not being honest about who you are, but the thing is… you know who are but your parents (probably) would not be supportive of you trying to be your true self.

Basically, you need to THINK long and hard about what life will look like for you after you come out, especially if you plan on having a medical transition.” jtheminipony

1 points(3 votes)

3. AITJ For Not Tolerating My Ex's Awful Treatment Anymore?

Original Story By thylivingparadox - June 25th, 2022

People Want Us To Point Out Their Wrongdoings In Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories (1)

Pexels

“I (Non-Binary, 19) was in a relationship with someone I will call Star (F, 19).

Star and I have had a rocky past. We met when we were both 12 and were friends until we were about 16 when she decided she was in love with me.

I originally did not plan to go out with her at all, but she tried extremely hard to push herself into and break up any relationships I had that did not involve her.

I cut her off, but we regained touch when we were both 18. Against my better judgment, I decided to try a relationship with her.

We were long-distance, so I figured that if I really needed to cut her off, I would be able to do so. This went on and off for about a year.

Every single day, often multiple times a day, she would force me to talk her down from her breakdowns.

She would tell me that I was the only thing keeping her alive. She always called herself a ‘yandere’ and told me she would do anything to keep me with her.

After a while, I was drained. I couldn’t talk about my stressors, she would bring it back to herself (she would spin right into breakdown mode because she ‘didn’t know how to help me so she must not deserve to live’).

I decided that I could not help her in the way she very clearly needed, so I told her that maybe she should see a therapist or go to an inpatient facility so she could get help. Of course, this didn’t work, but I was able to use a hospital to my advantage.

I know how god-awful this sounds, but there were some days I just could not handle dealing with her. Telling her I would call a hospital on her settled her down instantly.

There were a LOT of other things that she did to me, but I cannot mention them anymore.

Needless to say, that relationship ended in a very large, very bad way. After she went to sleep, I sent her a message saying that I could not handle it anymore and that I was going to go no contact.

Recently, she contacted me again through an alt account, and we talked.

Her main point was that it wasn’t her fault that she was so terrible to me, she has a lot of trauma, and my leaving her made me the awful one.

I told her that her trauma doesn’t excuse any of what she did to me. She blew up on me and said things I cannot say here for a number of reasons.

The basic premise is that I am ‘a monster that should have been gone years ago’.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

(Video) Teacher gets FIRED then takes REVENGE on the School - Reddit Podcast

“NTJ – she’s clearly a jerk for obvious reasons however you were a jerk to yourself for entering that relationship when you knew she was very toxic. If before you even start going out, you’re thinking about how you can ‘cut them off if you need to’ solely due to their actions (obviously someone who has a history of being hurt has a ‘get out plan’ due to their trauma is a different matter) that suggests don’t go out with them because it means you don’t inherently feel safe with them.

It absolutely isn’t your fault any of what happened despite that.” yeet-im-bored

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I have a history of depression and a past of similar dark thoughts about my life as she does. Yet I’m able to recognize that it isn’t anyone else’s issue but mine to work through during those times.

It isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to make me feel better when I don’t feel well. Mental illness, while sucks to go through, isn’t an excuse for treating others poorly. She doesn’t need to be in a relationship with you to find proper help for what she’s going through.

You don’t owe her partnership or even friendship. That isn’t what should be keeping her alive (not to mention codependency to that degree is unhealthy for both parties; I was like her in that regard too. From someone on the other side, she NEEDS to find her own identity).

And you very much should care for yourself as much as you had cared for her.” NeaIsACat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I carry a lot of trauma baggage, which has led me to not be the best human being to people I loved in the past. But that is an explanation, not an excuse because, at the end of the day, trauma or not, my actions really hurt these people.

You have to look out for yourself and this person is not good for you, like not at all. Make all your socials private/change socials if you can, change the number and everything to make sure she can’t contact you. Keep screenshots of everything, every text, and don’t talk to her over the phone in case you need a restraining order in the future. Good luck OP.” The_Death_Flower

1 points(1 votes)

2. AITJ For Showing An Offensive Meme To My Sisters?

Original Story By Fluffy_Individual168 - June 25th, 2022

People Want Us To Point Out Their Wrongdoings In Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories (2)

Pexels

“I (M22) have two older sisters, ‘Anne’ (23) and ‘Beth” (24). Growing up, our mom was a very typical mother in our culture in that she openly favored me as her son and constantly complained about the girls. She wasn’t terrible to them or anything, she took care of their basic needs, she was just super strict with the both of them and was almost always yelling at them to do their chores which she never did to me.

It’s actually kind of annoying because she babies me and never lets me do anything for myself while the girls got to learn life skills early. It’s common knowledge in our family that I’m her favorite, which again is pretty normal since I was the first and only son.

She’s told us plenty of times that the only reason she had two daughters was because she wanted to keep trying until she got a boy.

So the other day, I was wasting time on social media and saw a Gordon Ramsay meme about how mothers treat their sons versus their daughters (‘Oh dear, oh dear, gorgeous.’/’You freaking donkey.’) I thought it was pretty funny since it was so accurate, so I tagged my mom and both my sisters in it.

My mom laughed reacted and responded with ‘so true. My boy is my prince’. Anne didn’t respond, but Beth just said ‘screw you’ to me and blocked me.

Beth is usually really chill and doesn’t start online drama, so I was really shocked by her reaction. I texted her a few times and she didn’t respond.

Later I asked Anne about it and she said that Beth was really upset by the meme and it actually made her cry. I was totally shocked because it was just a stupid meme. When I told Anne this she said that she understood Beth’s reaction because they were both really hurt by how our mom treated them.

I told her that was pretty ridiculous because 1) It’s just a meme, 2) they’re both too old to be this upset about what happened in the past, and 3) All mothers and daughters treat each other like that (women in general tbh), so I didn’t think they would care this much.

I also told Anne that at least it was balanced out because our father was always softer on them than he was with me, and she said it didn’t matter because they both wanted their mom to love them too. I told her that was kind of selfish and a bit entitled.

I said that it was just a fact of life that mothers are like this, it might suck a little but it’s really not a big deal, and at least it taught them valuable life skills that I didn’t get to learn.

Now Anne and Beth are both upset at me and won’t talk to either me or Mom.

My mom is on my side of course, and a few of our other family members who use social media agree that it’s ridiculous to get this upset over a meme, especially over something that’s honestly pretty normal and harmless. I feel bad about making them both cry, but I also think they’re overreacting for attention, especially over something so stupid.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You and your mother. Your absentmindedness about your mother’s behavior, and claiming it to be normal and ok is frankly disgusting. I bet you don’t even know why parents favoring sons is such a common thing. Of course, you’d never need to empathize with your sisters because what they experience doesn’t affect you, so why care, right? I can understand how they wouldn’t find a joke about their mistreatment funny.

(Video) Power Hungry Karen DEMANDS a Meeting but it BACKFIRES and I get her FIRED - Reddit Podcast

And if the target of said joke has any kind of negative reaction, (let alone crying!) I can’t comprehend how you’d find it funny either.” sidkest

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – it might not be totally your fault, as it seems that you are following cultural ‘ideals’ that… aren’t so ideal.

You thought the meme was funny because it was true, which is a benefit to you. It’s not to your sister, so something that is amusing/positive to you is hurtful/negative to your siblings. To reply to your numbered points:

It’s not ‘just a meme’ – it is a reminder that your mom loves and supports you, and not your sisters.

It’s you bragging to the world about how your mom has openly stated that she didn’t want her daughters, they were just trial runs until a boy came out of her. Just a reminder, it’s not you that your mom likes, it has nothing to do with how smart or strong or capable you are.

She doesn’t care about YOU, she cares about your manhood. (ew)

It’s not ‘in the past’ you are still obviously a spoiled golden child now. Your sisters are continuing to be the second-best to you solely because you’re a man. Again, not because you are smart or strong or capable.

Because of your manhood.

That is NOT how all mothers and daughters, nor women in general, treat each other. You are totally wrong about this. Care to guess why you’re wrong? It’s because you are not capable of understanding the complex psychological issues involved in relationships. This is (wait for it) because you have never had anyone expect anything from you because you were born a man.

For all of the above reasons, you are the jerk. As is your mom (and probably dad as well) for creating a family like this in the first place. It’s terrible, how she raised the three of you. Like, I want her to post here so I can talk to her directly, that’s how terrible she is.” Dazeydevyne

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

‘All mothers and daughters treat each other like that, women in general, to be honest.’

No.

no, they don’t. We definitely do not treat our daughters like your mother treats your sisters. Women in general, I hope you’ll discover, are more supportive of each other than in your oppressive misogynistic family and we definitely do not need our feelings and attitudes toward each other mansplained away by you!

Women need healthy relationships with our fellow women, we thrive when we are united and the misogyny inherent in such patriarchal cultures like your family culture is divisive and damaging.

You’re the selfish and entitled one OP.

I wonder how her own relationship with her mother was. She’s a misogynist, overtly displaying her favoritism for her son over her daughters simply because of gender. This style of misogyny is so damaging, and that your mother can be so casually cruel towards your sisters takes my breath away.

I know some cultures favor boy children over girls, but that’s an excuse that people hide behind to justify the fact that it is ultimately a choice to treat your kids differently- while knowing full well that it’s completely and blatantly unfair.

It must be so painful for the girls to experience.

I’m a mother and I adore my girls, I’m proud of them and I stopped after two girls because we only wanted two children irrespective of their gender. Two boys/one of each I’d have made the same decision.

Your sisters’ feelings are valid, they are not at all entitled nor selfish for wanting their mother’s love and you rubbing the reality in their faces in such a public forum as social media, is a behavior. Telling them that their responding hurt feelings are not valid is just cruel.” stanleysgirl77

-1 points(5 votes)

1. AITJ For Telling My LDR Partner I Think He's Not Ready For A Relationship?

Original Story By anxious_attachment21 - June 25th, 2022

People Want Us To Point Out Their Wrongdoings In Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories (3)

Pexels

“I (Taiwanese, 22F) have been in an LDR with my partner (Czech, 22M) for a bit more than a month. We met in another country during our exchange term last year, became friends with benefits, and only made it official after we both went home. We had a shaky start.

I’m extremely anxious in nature and also very new to the idea of meeting people (he’s my second relationship and my first was kinda awful). I have severe attachment issues and low self-esteem, and while I’m trying very hard to get better, I do need to be reassured more often than the average person.

(Video) Entitled Karen TAKES my Grandma's MONEY and Lives in her House RENT FREE - Reddit Podcast

Recently I’ve noticed he hasn’t been doing mentally well. He has been tired, distracted, and dismissive during our video calls more often than not. I’m always the one initiating phone calls or hangout time. I gradually became frustrated and paranoid about taking up his time. We talked about it and he said it’s because he wasn’t doing too well mentally and thus physically.

When asked about the reason he said it’s just life and stuff.

Yesterday I was on the edge of freaking out and tried to pry some more out of him as calmly as possible. He said he wouldn’t mind telling me even though it’s not about me and it’s not something I’d be able to help (because I didn’t know him enough which is true but ouch).

He talked about feeling inadequate in the past few years, hating to have to compare himself with others, and feeling sorry for himself. He talked about feeling like there’s no point to try or commit. He mentioned his ex and how he felt bad for her in a way that he didn’t expect himself to feel anymore.

He mentioned us and questioned who even is his significant other on the other side of the screen. I was shocked and sad for him and suddenly realized I was part of his stress source even though he denied it. I asked him if he felt like he was in a position to be in a relationship.

He said he was sure as he had ever been. (He had four other relationships before me, none of them were LDR.)

I pointed out that none of these relationships worked in the end and told him that I didn’t feel like he was ready to commit.

He got frustrated and told me who was I to tell him how he felt. (it’s more or less a reoccurring argument between us. I have questioned his feelings for me multiple times at the beginning of our relationship.) He asked if it was because he has never committed to anything? If it is then why can’t he try?? Is it because he didn’t fit into my idea of commitment? So why can’t I accept there are other ways for him to show his commitment? Why do I have to freak out every time when he isn’t doing exactly what I want him to do? We ended the call quite late and emotional last night.

I woke up this morning feeling like garbage. So, AITJ for accusing my partner of not being ready to commit?

Update: We just had an emotional conversation. You guys are right. He’s under a lot of pressure. This relationship has been focusing on MY healing since day 1.

He told me he felt exhausted and trapped in the same place without moving forward, as for the past month I have been an insecure mess, to say the least. He admitted that he hadn’t been honest about the fact that I was being too much for him, which he constantly assured me he would.

We talked about breaking up. I asked him if that meant he didn’t want to try anymore. He said he still did but he didn’t know how to be in his current state. I told him I was willing to try anything he asked.

Long story short: we decided to take some time off for him to calm down and get himself together.

He asked for a week of 0 contact. I am seeking therapy in a couple of weeks. I am still in love with him. But I do recognize the possibility that after the week he would realize he’s better off without me. I will spend the week learning how to be alone for the first time in a while for my own sake.”

Another User Comments:

“‘I pointed out none of these relationships worked in the end.’ That’s pretty normal, he’s only 22.

What do you expect his history to look like?

Also, you’ve been in a relationship for less than 2 months. What do you want him to ‘commit’ to. He’s not going to know if the month-long LDR he’s in at 22 is going to be forever. You’re still getting to know each other.

It sounds like you have very high expectations, but I’m not clear on what they actually are.

If he is too distant, doesn’t initiate calls, etc, then break up with him because he’s not meeting your emotional needs. Break up with him because of how he makes you feel, not how you think he feels.

YTJ.” Extension_Ad_972

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

When a couple is in an LDR, it’s very important that they be able to talk about very hard topics and be honest and understanding to each other.

To be honest, I don’t think that BOTH of you are in a position to be able to make this work.

You BOTH need to get some therapy to deal with your personal struggles before you can be in a relationship.

Please understand that I’m not saying this to be judgemental.” shazrose

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Your partner is going through a difficult time mentally and likely needs as much encouragement as you do or even more, instead of giving him that you’ve just confirmed that his fears are correct.

Also, it’s 2 months into a relationship and sounding a bit toxic…” Unkle_bad-touch

-1 points(1 votes)

(Video) My Bosses FRAME Me, Then FIRE Me, then they LOSE EVERYTHING - NuclearRevenge Reddit Podcast

We believe that every awful act has a reason behind it. You be the judge now about who you think the real jerks in these stories are! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)

Videos

1. Entitled Mother STOLE all my BIRTHDAY MONEY... and REFUSES to GIVE IT BACK - Reddit Finance Podcast
(Am I the Jerk?)
2. Entitled Brother SPENT his Inheritance, now CLAIMS MINE so I LAWYERED UP - Reddit Finance Podcast
(Am I the Jerk?)
3. My Entitled Parents let my Brother STEAL all my MONEY - Reddit Finance Podcast
(Am I the Jerk?)
4. My Insane Children LIED To My HUSBAND that I'M CHEATING but I AM NOT CHEATING - Reddit Podcast
(Am I the Jerk?)
5. ENRAGED Cop H@RRASSES me at WORK because I served him the WRONG FOOD - Reddit Food Podcast
(Am I the Jerk?)
6. Entitled Karen THREATENS to SPEAK TO THE MANAGER... which is MY MOM - Reddit Business Podcast
(Am I the Jerk?)

You might also like

Latest Posts

Article information

Author: Tyson Zemlak

Last Updated: 07/20/2022

Views: 6490

Rating: 4.2 / 5 (63 voted)

Reviews: 94% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Tyson Zemlak

Birthday: 1992-03-17

Address: Apt. 662 96191 Quigley Dam, Kubview, MA 42013

Phone: +441678032891

Job: Community-Services Orchestrator

Hobby: Coffee roasting, Calligraphy, Metalworking, Fashion, Vehicle restoration, Shopping, Photography

Introduction: My name is Tyson Zemlak, I am a excited, light, sparkling, super, open, fair, magnificent person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.