Should I Talk to My Ex or Stay Away? | Wondering What to Do? An Expert Can Help| BetterHelp (2022)

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

CanEx-lovers Be Friends?

Whether ex-lovers can remain friends after breakup is really a matter of opinion and personal circumstances. If you have been in a relationship with someone and you both agree that you are better off as friends instead of lovers, it may be possible to remain friends. It’s important that you both consider your own feelings about the friendship part of a relationship and to decide if it’s best to remain friends or if a complete disconnect from one another is best.

If you and your ex decide to try to be friends, it’s crucial to establish boundaries within the friendship and to be respectful of one another’s feelings if either of you begin to feel like remaining friends was not the best idea.

IsThere A Reason Why You Shouldn’t Reach Out To Your Ex?

Keeping yourself from reaching out to an ex can be hard, especially if you have spent most of your time with them or if your relationship lasted a long time and you used to talk to them every day. While some couples can end a relationship and choose to remain friends, this is not always the case. When you go through a breakup, it’s important to allow yourself time to heal and not talk for a while. Before you break radio silence and starting to talk again, you need to consider a few things.

  1. Is your ex reaching out to you for communication? If your ex is not trying to contact you, chances are they don’t want communication or are ready to talk yet. In this case, you should let take the time you need to heal and allow your ex to do the same.
  2. If your relationship did not end on good terms, you may be setting yourself up to be hurt again by reaching out to talk to your ex. Unfortunately, sometimes the best thing you can do is let go of the past and move on with your life.
  3. Who ended the relationship? If you broke up with your ex and now you’re feeling guilty or second-guessing yourself, before you think about reaching out to talk, consider how your ex may feel. While most people believe that time heals all wounds, everyone heals in different ways and in different amounts of time and they may not be in the best place to talk yet.
  4. Are you considering reaching out to your ex because you now think you are madly in love with them? If so, what changed? Before reaching out to an ex to talk, think about the effect that contact will have on both yours and your ex’s heart. Sometimes it is easier to avoid bringing more heartache by letting yourself and your ex health, rather than breaking the no contact rule just to make yourself feel better.

HowLong Before Exes Get Back Together?

Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that exes will get back together. In the cases when exes do reconcile, there is not a specific timeline for this to happen. Some couples break up and after a time apart, find that they were happier together. In some situations, it may be necessary to seek couples counseling to help work through issues. Depending on how many issues need to be worked through, the amount of time it takes before reconciliation occurs may vary.

Will No Contact Make Him Move On?

The no contact rule and no talk rule is often used as a manipulation approach by individuals who want to get the attention of or garner favor from someone, especially an ex. In some cases, this works, and exes try to reconcile the relationship. However, there are times when going no contact can make your ex move on. If you truly want your ex to move on and you want to use no contact as one way to help him do so, it is important that you do not break the no contact rule. There may be times when it is hard to stay away; do it anyway. No contact means no texts, no calls, no social media posts or messages. It means NO CONTACT.

What Goes Through His Mind During No Contact?

Different people respond to no contact in different ways. Some of the most common things that he may be feeling or thinking during no contact are:

  • Confusion: He may have expected you to text, talk, or call him by now. If you want his attention, this is a good thing because he is likely thinking about you and wondering what happened in your relationship that leads to you being able to go no contact.
  • Regretting his behavior: If your relationship ended on bad terms that made you feel the need for no contact, he may be thinking about and regretting the things he did that contributed to the breakup.
  • Wondering if you have met a new person and begun a new relationship: If he has had no contact with you, then he may not be aware of any new person or relationship. This part of no contact is one of the most difficult for a man.
  • What mutual friends can he get information from? Guys who are being subjected to no contact by an ex often try to find out information from mutual friends. They may appear nonchalant when bringing the subject up, but this is a common way to get information without making you aware they are still interested.

HowLong Does It Take For An Ex To Miss You With No Contact?

Depending on the circumstances regarding the breakup, and the reason that one or both of you felt that no contact was necessary, the amount of time it takes for an ex to miss you varies. Some people immediately have feelings of loneliness and miss their ex. Others may experience moments of sadness or missing an ex that come and go. In some cases, especially if the relationship was unhealthy or abusive, an ex may only feel relief when they go no contact.

HowDo You Know If Your Ex Is Over You?

(Video) Want to Get Over Your Ex OR Get Him Back? Don’t Do This… | Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy

The signs that an ex is over you vary from one person to the next. However, there are some behaviors that may be easily noticeable.

  1. If your ex is over you, they will likely treat you the same as he does other women. If they were not over you, they may put extra effort into being nice to you or trying to get your attention.
  2. Shows no signs of jealousy if you are around another person. Sometimes even the ex who ended the relationship will have feelings of jealousy if the other person moves on to a new relationship. Even if the jealousy is not “extreme,” there will be signs if they still care for you or want to be in a relationship with you.
  3. They return your personal belongings and ask you to return theirs. Nothing says, “It’s over” like taking ownership of personal belongings. If your ex asks you to return their things and is quick to give you your things back, chances are they are over you.
  4. They unfollow and/or unfriend you on social media. One of the easiest ways to keep a form of contact with an ex without having to talk to them or text them is to follow their social media accounts. If your ex is no longer in your friends list or is not following you, they are probably over you.

How Do I Know If My Ex Still Loves Me?

Wanting to know if your ex still has feelings for you is natural. A few things that may indicate they still love you include

  • Liking or commenting on your social media posts: An ex who is over you will typically unfollow and unfriend you. However, an ex who still has feelings for you may continue to follow your social media accounts and will usually let you know in some way that they are “still there” by commenting on your posts or pics or at least hitting the like button.
  • They show up everywhere you are. If your ex always seems to be showing up in the same places that you go, they may still have feelings for you. For some people, this is a way of keeping in contact with someone they still love while trying to not appear obvious.
  • They are always “accidentally” calling or texting you or trying to talk to you. If your ex still loves you but thinks that you don’t care or that you don’t want anything to do with them, they may try to reach out to you by calling or texting. Even if you respond in a disgruntled way, it still gives them an opportunity to connect with you.

WhyDoes My Ex Contact Me When He Has A Girlfriend?

After a breakup, one of the most frustrating things to deal with is having an ex try to contact you even if they’ve moved on to a new relationship. Of course, if you have children together, you have legitimate reasons to communicate about important matters. However, if you do not have children together (or if your kids are grown), there really doesn’t seem to be a good reason for your ex to contact you. This is especially true if he has a new girlfriend.

One of the main reasons your ex may be contacting you is that he wants to make you jealous. His new girlfriend may not be as attentive as he had hoped and he may be second-guessing ending the relationship with you, especially if you were attentive to his wants and needs. In some cases, he may simply want to be friends.

Whatever the reason that your ex is trying to contact you, it’s important for your own emotional well-being to consider the option of communication with him carefully.

How Do I Know If My Breakup Is Final?

There are a few things that indicate the breakup of a relationship is final. First, if you don’t live close to one another, the distance between you may make it easier to keep from reaching out and trying to see one another. If your relationship was like a roller coaster of ups and downs, you may feel relief that it is over. In this case, you may feel that it is best to let the breakup be final. Also, if you feel more relief that the relationship has ended or feel little emotional pain related to the breakup, this is a good indicator that the breakup is final.

Do Guys Miss You After A Breakup?

It is not uncommon for a guy to miss you after a breakup, even if the breakup was bad. The amount of time you spend in a relationship with someone and the reason for the breakup both can influence whether he will miss you. For example, if your relationship was more tumultuous than peaceful, he may feel like he has peace since the relationship has ended. If, on the other hand, you both agreed that the relationship was not the best situation for both of you, but parted on good terms, he may be more likely to miss you. He may find that when things happen in his daily life that you cross his mind. Also, if you were once a source of strength or comfort to him, he may miss you during stressful times.

WhyIs My Ex Keeping In Touch?

Aside from having children in common and needing to communicate about their care, there are several reasons an ex may try to keep in touch with you. Sometimes an ex will keep in touch because they secretly have feelings for their ex and may be hoping to reconcile the relationship.

For some, the familiarity of talking to someone that they once spent a great deal of time with seems to relieve the boredom that single life may cause. It’s important to recognize this behavior because if your ex is reaching out to you simply out of boredom, chances are they will stop communicating when they meet a new partner or begin to develop a new relationship.

Some exes feel guilty for going “no contact” after a breakup and feel like it’s simply the courteous thing to do to keep in touch. It’s important for you to think about how this makes you feel and whether staying in touch feels like a healthy choice for you.

(Video) Should you allow your partner to be friends with their Ex?

Should ITalk To My Ex After No Contact?

Before considering contact with an ex after having no contact, it is important to remember why you parted ways in the first place. If your relationship ended because there was abuse or you felt that you were in danger, it may be best to avoid contact.

If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineis available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use theonline chat.

Is It Healthy To Keep In Touch With An Ex?

How healthy it depends on your personal feelings. Sometimes, keeping that friendship is healthy, and you two can work it out so you're close still. But, if you obsess to the point where the only goal is to get them back instead of moving on, or you're trying to get them back because that's the only identity you have, that's far from healthy.

If you continue to talk to your ex on a friendship basis, that can be healthy. If you were friends beforehand and maybe a relationship didn't work out, it can be okay. But, if you're trying to talk to him in hopes of getting back together, it could end badly for you. Oftentimes, if you broke up for the right reasons, keeping in touch will only aggravate the emotional wound.

If you see your ex as a backup, then it's not healthy. If you're so focused on getting back together, you can't be friends, then no, it isn't healthy. But, staying friends and understanding all you want is platonic friendship is healthy for many.

HowLong Before You Should Talk To Your Ex After A Breakup?

The rule of thumb is to wait 30 days before you speak to your ex once again. If you were together for a very long time and you break up, you may need to extend this to six weeks. At the most, 2-2.5 months is how long the no-contact phase should go. Do not contact them during the first 1-2 weeks, since they're in that "honeymoon" stage where they believe they did the right thing by breaking up.

IsIt Good To Talk To Your Ex After Breaking Up?

It depends. If you were friends beforehand, it could be good to repair the friendship and make amends. If you can talk it out and agree to be friends, or maybe work it out together and build a friendship, or even a relationship, then take a chance.

Otherwise, if you know you still have feelings for them, but it's not healthy for you to talk to them, it's not a good idea to talk to your ex after a breakup.

It also isn't advisable to talk to your ex after a breakup right away. They need time to heal, to figure out their feelings, and to go from there.

CanYou Truly Be Friends With An Ex?

If your relationship was friendship beforehand, it's totally possible. Going back to being just friends takes lots of time and effort, however.

(Video) Relationship expert: Needing space is not a bad thing

Not everyone can do this. Lots of times, there are those who will stay friends with their ex, but then feel hurt when they choose to date someone else, or they get a new girlfriend. If you can move on and not hold onto the relationship, it's healthy and possible to stay friends.

There are some people who can separate their feelings from their friendship and learn to move on.

In those circumstances, they can truly be friends with their ex, and they can be happy as well.

WhyDo Some Exes Keep In Touch?

Sometimes it's because they did have a solid friendship before getting together. Other times, it's because they realize they can still be friends even as exes. Sometimes though, some people will keep in touch because they want to hook up again.

Sometimes people stay in touch with their ex because they want to get back with them again, and it's a feeling of regret because they broke up with them. The reasons for staying in touch do vary. If there is a kid involved, sometimes they stay in touch to inform the other about the kid.

There are many reasons, some healthy, some unhealthy, and the best way to determine if you should is to look at the relationship from a distant viewpoint, and from there, see if it's in your best interest to talk to your ex.

Should I Confront My Ex For Closure?

No, and this is especially true for those who were in an abusive situation. If you know your ex is abusive and has said questionable things, putting yourself in that position isn't good for you, and you shouldn't spend that energy there.

Closure is a personal thing, based on your interests and your own desires. If you learn to move on, to not focus on your ex, and to have closure, it lets you move on, and lets you live your own life.

How Do I Stop Wanting To Talk To My Ex?

Stop thinking about them. Learn to improve your own life. Stop basing your identity off your ex. If you feel that urge to talk to your ex, talk to a friend or family member you're close to.

Set it up where, whenever that urge comes forth, you do something else. For example, whenever you feel that urge to talk to them, journal it. Talk about why you feel this way, what's the reasoning behind wanting to talk to them, and what you think you'll accomplish. From there, tear up the piece of paper, imagining it's those feelings that are holding you back drifting away in the wind.

This is the best way to prevent the urge from talking to your ex, and you'll notice that, once you start following this, life gets a little bit easier.

How Do I Talk To My Ex I Still Love?

(Video) DO THIS & He Will Regret LOSING YOU... | Stephan Speaks

First, wait and let the dust settle.

After that, you want to first and foremost say that you want to talk, and just talk. Don't bring up the relationship or the breakup. It's not the worst idea, but it's definitely not an ideal conversation starter. After all, would you like to dwell on that right away? Unless you plan to talk about the factors that lead to it, and how you will change, it's not advisable.

Ideally, start with a conversation that they'll like. Passions, for example, are a good place to start, and you can bring that up. You should make sure that you don't do this to get them to talk to you or want you back. Be genuine with your communication.

When you talk to them, you should talk about the things going on in their life, but don't be a bootlicker about it. You shouldn't also be too manipulative. Maybe talk about your goals and aspirations.

When talking to them, the feelings will surface. That's supernormal. You do love this person, but you need to understand that when a relationship severs, you don't want to be too overwhelming or try to jump straight into a relationship again. It'll be awkward and won't work otherwise.

Don't be obsessive over it either. If you do decide to talk, take your time, and maybe keep the conversations short but sweet. Show that you care, but don't get so hung up on it that it's all you can think about. That's not healthy, so don't do that.

WillEx Ever Reach Out?

It depends on the situation. Sometimes, if the pain is too much, it might take a while. If the relationship ended on friendly terms, then they will. Even if it doesn't, sometimes exes will reach out in order to manipulate you back, which f the relationship was unhealthy, that isn't recommended.

Sometimes, they might miss you and want to be friends again. In that case, they will, but only after a bit.

If the relationship was really rocky, and neither of you wants to see one another again, then it's unlikely that they will.

When it comes to exes, the pain of a relationship is never easy. But, learning to cope with the feelings and move on lets you take control of your life and build a stronger foundation to move forward.

Therapy Is Personal

Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. But, keeping these nine things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of what your specific goals are.

If you’re still wondering iftherapyis right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us BetterHelp specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you’re interested in individual therapy, please reach out and check out our LinkedIn. For more information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on

(Video) Want Your Ex Back? Say This to Him… | Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy

For More Information On Mental Health, Please See:


Should I Talk to My Ex or Stay Away? | Wondering What to Do? An Expert Can Help| BetterHelp? ›

Most experts agree: you should not reach out to your ex unless you hope to salvage a treasured friendship. The impulse to reach out to an ex, whether it is because you still have feelings for them, you are seeking comfort and familiarity, or you simply want to know how they are doing, is often a bad idea.

Can talking to your ex help you get over them? ›

Starting a convo with your ex may not give you the closure you seek, and it may only perpetuate the pain instead. "If you truly want to move on with your life and close the door on [the] relationship, you should not talk to your ex," says Fehr.

What can I do instead of talking to my ex? ›

Take a few minutes to meditate and come back to the present moment feeling refreshed and less anxious to pull the trigger on that text.
  • Phone A Friend. ‍Call or text a friend that won't judge you for your desire to contact your ex. ...
  • Go to A Workout Class. ‍The urge to contact your ex could feel deflating. ...
  • Learn A New Skill.

Why you shouldn't talk to your ex? ›

Talking to an ex can create false hope that the two of you could one day get back together. Even if you know your ex isn't right for you, talking to your ex can cause serious problems. After a relationship ends, loneliness, confusion and anger often come in fits and starts.

How do you stay strong and not reach to an ex? ›

Here are a few ways you can learn to stop texting your ex for good.
  1. Recognize why you want to text your ex. ...
  2. Acknowledge why you need to stop. ...
  3. Delete their number. ...
  4. Distract yourself, and preferably, break a sweat. ...
  5. Reconnect with your friends. ...
  6. Don't drink and text. ...
  7. Enlist technological help. ...
  8. Give it time.
Jul 18, 2018

Why is no contact so powerful? ›

The no contact rule helps to ease the pain that you feel from the lack of oxytocin. It's for this reason that the no contact rule is so effective in helping you get over your breakup. You're essentially going cold-turkey from the oxytocin you were used to receiving.

Will no contact work if he lost feelings? ›

If you wonder if he will move on during no contact, chances of this are high if he no longer loves you or if you are dealing with a case of unrequited feelings. A simple answer to the central question guiding this section of the article is “no.” No contact will not work if he has lost feelings for you.

How long should no contact last? ›

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

How do you act around an ex who hurt you? ›

How to Act Around Your Ex
  1. Stay calm when you see your ex.
  2. Walk and talk with confidence.
  3. Dress to impress.
  4. Be polite.
  5. Make casual small talk.
  6. Be yourself.
  7. Keep your first few conversations short.
  8. Go to social events like you always do.

Will my ex miss me if I don't contact her? ›

Will my ex forget me during No contact? No, your ex won't forget about you during the No Contact Rule. It will be just a way to give your ex a distant and different approach to you. On the contrary, it will be a tool to make your ex cross his or her mind without being too clingy on this person.

Is it desperate to text an ex? ›

That burning desire to text an ex or old flame doesn't necessarily mean you still want them (though it might!), but it likely means that you're, well, curious about their life or their family or their potential lingering interest in you.

Should I reach out to him or not? ›

You should text him first if, you're reaching out to him to genuinely connect and communicate with him. If for any reason you're texting him based on worry, fear or anxiety. Such as, trying to “keep his interest” or manipulating him to do something for you. Or to fill some kind of void in your life.

What no contact does to a woman? ›

Going 'no-contact' with someone you spent a lot of time with and planned a future with can be painful. A woman experiencing the stages of no contact is likely to feel angry, sad, and lonely. While a woman is likely to feel sadness in the early stages of no contact, she will quickly get over her ex as time goes on.

What is he thinking during no contact? ›

"No contact" could make him question what he thought he did right. He'll doubt everything from his attractiveness and bedroom skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He might fixate on every little error he made while you were together, adding to his feelings of regret and insecurity.

How long does it take for an ex to reach out? ›

But when you average it all out, it comes out to 38 days for an ex to reach out first, without being prompted. This tells us a lot about the mental state exes are in immediately after a breakup.

Is it weak to text your ex? ›

It could make you feel worse. Breakups can make you feel rejected, but your ex can't fix that. If you want closure, you're likely feeling insecure and rejected because of how the relationship ended—but texting your girlfriend could result in even more insecurities.

Does talking to your ex make it harder to move on? ›

You still talk on a regular basis.

If you're still talking to an ex, that might make it more difficult for you to move on with your life after your breakup.

Will my ex miss me if I don't contact her? ›

Will my ex forget me during No contact? No, your ex won't forget about you during the No Contact Rule. It will be just a way to give your ex a distant and different approach to you. On the contrary, it will be a tool to make your ex cross his or her mind without being too clingy on this person.

Can you be friends with your ex and get back together? ›

Being friends with your ex can totally lead back into a relationship, but there are some things to consider first and steps to take (plus some things you should avoid at all costs).

Is it OK to text your ex for closure? ›

If your goal is closure…

You can also send a text asking to get coffee or to have a conversation, or you can just say what you need to say via text, email, or even a phone call. Either way, don't string them along. Be clear about exactly why you're reaching out so your ex isn't left wondering.


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